


The Longest Time

by Ikkleosu



Series: I'm That Voice You're Hearing in the Hall [2]
Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-05-04 02:52:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 38,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14583354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ikkleosu/pseuds/Ikkleosu
Summary: Sequel to I'm That Voice You're Hearing in the Hall."I don't care what consequence it bringsI have been a fool for lesser thingsI want you so badI think you ought to know thatI intend to hold you for the longest time" - The Longest Time by Billy Joel





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This sequel is told from John's POV, and takes up after the events of I'm That Voice You're Hearing in the Hall. Due to it being from John's POV it's a tad more saucy, and as the plot is about the lead up to their first time sleeping together, there's plenty of smuttiness. The story WILL include their first time together, BUT not in an explicit way - just in the written equivalent of what you would see on 9pm on BBC1. However, I appreciate that may not be everyone's thing so I'll give a warning when that chapter is coming and you can avoid that if you so wish.

It was possibly the longest five days of John’s life. Whose stupid idea was it to wait until they had had a first date anyway? It wasn't like he was a monk or anything. He wasn't waiting for marriage, and he had experienced a handful of one night stands in his time - some more successful than others. It was just that he wanted it to be right, to be perfect- well, as perfect as an overweight, Northern man, hitting 40 could manage. 

Everything had changed so fast he just felt he needed time to catch his breath. Maybe do a few sit ups, and lose three stone or so.

He had started that Sunday resigning himself a life to loneliness, meals for one and sad wanks on a Saturday night, and by 7pm he was tongue deep in the woman of his dreams on his sofa. Scratch that. He hadn't even dreamt of Kayleigh. He couldn't have. A little fireball, that made him laugh until he couldn't breathe, whilst still managing to steal his breath with her staggering sexiness. And most unbelievable of all she not only loved him, but she couldn't seem to be able to keep her hands off him as well. 

Never in his life had he managed to get those in sync. With Anna the sex had been great. She was wild and loved to experiment and push boundaries. God, some of the things they’d done could probably still get him arrested. But she was off her head; blew hot and cold more often than the hand dryer in the gents. She could argue with herself in a locked room. It had been trying, and frankly exhausting, being with her.

Then there was Charlotte. That was all much more grown-up. Garden centres and theatre trips; National Trust passes and car boot sales. It was peaceful and pleasant. But the sex, Christ, it was like pulling teeth. She always gave the impression there was something else she’d rather be doing, and towards the end he started to feel the same.

And now here was Kayleigh. A woman he could imagine lying in bed with eating biscuits and laughing at YouTube cat videos, just as easily as he could imagine tearing her clothes off and going at it hammer and tong for two days straight. Mind you, the way things were right now he didn't think he’d last two minutes, never mind two days.

It had started fine on Monday. He’d woken up with that feeling you got the first morning of a two week holiday. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and his shirt still smelled like Kayleigh’s perfume. He picked it up off the chair by the bed and sniffed it, reliving the feeling of having her head resting against his chest, his arms wrapped around her. He couldn't wait to pick her up, relive it and make more memories.

So eager was he just to see Kayleigh’s face, he was in the car a full twenty minutes early. Playing Pure and Simple four times on repeat didn't do much to calm him down, so he switched on Forever FM and let the traffic and news headlines bring him back to earth. When he pulled up at her house, Kayleigh was still inside but Steve was on the driveway as usual. 

“Oh aye, here he is, Casanova himself!” he said as John got out the car. John chose to go with it and did a flourishy bow. “The amount of drama you've been responsible for this weekend, I tell you, I should sue for emotional damage. First she’s sobbing, then she’s squealing, then she gets my missus in on it too. The pair of them were screeching like banshees when I turned in last night. I think dolphins heard them at one point.”

“Sorry about that,” John said and scuffed his foot on the driveway bashfully. “It were just a bit of a mess.”

“So I gather, but all good now?” Steve leaned on his bike, and although his tone was casual, John could sense there was a touch of brotherly protection in his voice. A slight hint of “mess with Kayleigh and you’ll have me to deal with.” John looked at the spanner in Steve’s hand and swallowed hard.

“Yeah, yeah, all sorted. We’re good.” 

Steve’s face broke into a grin. “Good for you, mate.” He held out his grease covered hand to shake, looked at the state of it, wiped it down the front of his shirt then held it out again. 

John took the offered hand and shook it firmly, feeling like he’d just got a royal pardon. 

“I’d say it’s about bloody time, but seeing as I thought you were already shagging like rabbits, I wasn't exactly hanging on the line waiting for it,” Steve continued.

“Did you?” 

“Of course! I have to put up with the pair of you here every morning and night. All shy smiles and soppy looks. Should have known that means you’d not got your leg over yet. That's when it turns to eye rolling and nagging.”

John felt himself blushing, both at the idea that he’d been so obvious in his feelings for Kayleigh, but also at the thought that Steve knew he hadn't “got his leg over” yet, as he so delicately put it. He’d forgotten how much people got involved in your private life once you were a couple. It was easier when they thought you were a sad loner, they kept out of it then. He guessed it was something he was going to have to get used to, and Kayleigh was absolutely worth it.

“Anyway, what I should probably be saying is “Good luck”. They are quite handful these Kitson women, you know?”

“Christ, don't I know it!” 

“Aye well, hope you’re prepared. Life’s never dull with them around that's for sure,” Steve said as he wiped his spanner with a dirty rag. 

John gave a chuckle as he considered the rollercoaster ride his life had become the last few months. A rollercoaster he never wanted to get off.

“If you want my advice, get a hobby that gets you out the house when you need to. Someplace you can get peace while she calms down…” Steve continued.

“I’ll bear that in mind.”

“Bear what in mind?” Kayleigh’s appeared in the doorway, closed the door behind her and stepped onto the drive. She stopped where she was and looked at both men.

“Nothing just that there’s roadworks on the A58,” John covered quickly, with Steve giving him a wink.

“Oh.” Kayleigh looked unimpressed at Steve, then turned to John. When her eyes landed on him her face softened. “Hiya.”

“Hiya…” John found himself smiling dumbfounded back. Seeing her again for the first time in their usual context made it all solidify. It was real. She was real.

“Jesus! See?! This is what I mean!” Steve exclaimed after a few moments had passed. “Are the pair of you just going to stand there grinning at each other all bloody morning?”

“You look nice,” John said, completely ignoring Steve’s pleas.

Kayleigh touched her hair self consciously and smiled. “Thanks.” But still neither of them moved towards each other.

“For the love of Christ! If this is what you’re like no wonder it’s taken this bloody long! Well say good morning then… “

Simultaneously they said “Good morning” and Steve threw his hands in the air. “Just bloody kiss will you?!” 

They both stepped forwards and John held Kayleigh’s arm as he leant over and kissed her cheek.

“God, should I turn my back or something?” Steve carried on. “It’s like that shitzu Mandy had. Bloody precious thing you had to look away or it wouldn't take a piss...” He looked at them, frozen in the spot post-cheek kiss and waved a hand. “Oh just get in the car, Romeo and Juliet.”

John squeezed her arm as Kayleigh giggled and called a “see ya” to Steve. 

As soon as they were back in the car, the shy, awkward air vanished. They were in their place, their domain. Kayleigh closed her door and immediately leaned across to plant a more sound kiss on John’s lips. 

“Ugh what did you put lipstick on for if you knew you were going to do that?!” John wiped the back of his hand across his lips trying to remove the shimmery stickiness.

Kayleigh giggled. “Sorry, force of habit. I’ll remember from now on, no lip gloss until after the good morning kiss.” She leaned over and kissed him again, safe that most of her pink gloss was now on the back of John’s hand.

“Was THAT the good morning kiss then?” John asked as he fastened his seatbelt.

“Well, it’s still morning, and I’d say it’s good…” 

He couldn't argue with that. The sense of contentment he felt driving to work on a September Monday morning should have been illegal. No one should feel that delirious heading into a week’s worth of the daily grudge, but with Kayleigh by his side and the prospect of what the week would bring - let alone the rest of his life - just kept him bubbling over with happiness.

“Sleep alright?” he asked as Kayleigh rearranged her bag on her knee. 

“Not really…” 

John glanced at her, shocked, and a little ball of panic woke up in his head and started running around screaming. God, he couldn't have messed it up this quickly could he?

“How come?”

“I was up till back of one filling our Mandy in, and even after that I just kept going over it all in me head…”

The ball of panic was still going.

“Just too excited… too happy.” Kayleigh patted John’s thigh and smiled at him. The ball of panic collapsed and sighed with relief. 

John smiled proudly. He’d done that… well, technically she’d done it by sorting him out and not letting him push her away, but he thought he could at least take some of the credit for her bliss.

“I had a full set of Louis Vitton luggage under me eyes this morning. Two days of crying, and no sleep.. could have put my eye brightener on with a trowel. I ended up putting cold tea bags on them while I ate my toast.” She dabbed her finger under her eyes to demonstrate. “What about you?”

“I drank my tea, didn't put it on me face.”

“Ha, no, did you tell anyone?”

John gave Kayleigh a double take. “Like who?” 

“I don't know… Jim? Your mum?”

John had to laugh. She knew him so well but sometimes she just didn't get it. The idea of talking about his love life to anyone apart from her, made him want to punch himself in the face. He certainly wasn't going to volunteer the information with a jaunty phone call at 10pm on a Sunday night.

“No! I’m not gonna tell my mum I just spent several hours dry humping on me sofa!”

Kayleigh dissolved into giggles. “I didn't mean that part so much… although I did go into some detail with our Mandy!”

“Christ! How am I meant to look her in the eye now?” John would never get used to the way women talked about this stuff, and he did have to fall in love with a woman who didn't have a filter at the best of times. “I thought men were meant to be the ones obsessed with talking about sex!”

“Men brag, women share, that’s the difference, John.” Kayleigh paused. “Well, I might have bragged a little.”

The rate he was going John’s ego was going to be out of control. Kayleigh was good for him in so many ways. Boosting his self-esteem as a lover was very welcome after years of feeling like a limp lettuce leaf in that department. And all they’d done was kiss! Still, it was dangerous…

“Well, just don't be bragging to anyone at work!” he warned. 

“Why not?” Kayleigh’s voice raised an octave with outrage.

“Cos I’m your boss, that’s why not!” This was the part John had been dreading. How were they going to deal with this? Although there wasn't a strict rule about employees dating, it was a different kettle of fish when it involved management and a subordinate. No way would they get away with it without John at least getting a talking down to. And his worst fear was that Dave Thompson would insist Kayleigh be moved to another store. If they could just keep it a secret at work, at least for a while, maybe he could figure something out. Maybe he could go to another store or change careers like he’d been swearing to do for the past twenty years? But it all relied on Kayleigh keeping quiet. “You know how bad it looks having a relationship with someone under you?” 

Kayleigh giggled at the double entendre and John rolled his eyes. “I’m serious, they could bin me off for sexual harassment!” 

“John, if anything I’m the one sexually harassing you! I’ve been trying to for months, anyway. Can't I just tell Dave Thompson or whoever that it’s my decision?”

The alarm bells went off on his head. The thought of Kayleigh talking to Dave Thompson, or God forbid, Alan Campbell made him break out in a cold sweat. She had many wonderful qualities but understanding the finer details of greasing the wheels of management wasn't one of them. “No! Don't say anything!” John pointed a finger at her. “Let me deal with this.”

“Okay, okay.” Kayleigh held her hands up in surrender. 

There was silence for a few moments then Kayleigh suddenly gasped. John looked at her panicked. “What?”

When Kayleigh turned to look at him, she already had her hand over her mouth. “Elsie!”

“What about Elsie?” That panic ball in his mind was running amok again. Elsie, the name to drive fear straight through his heart.

“I told her yesterday…”

“Told her what?” John was in damage control mode, he had to know how bad this was.

“I needed your address… I couldn't ask you, you might not gave given it to me!” Kayleigh was clearly aware of John’s rising blood pressure and was already pleading extenuating circumstances. “I had to tell her why! I’m sorry John, I wasn't thinking ahead.”

John pinched his temples with one hand. Elsie!? Of all people! “What did you tell her?”

“Nothing really…” The look John threw Kayleigh had her to reaching out to touch his arm. “No, honestly, all I said was we had a fight, and I needed to sort it out with you. That was all. I swear!”

It wasn't difficult to imagine how Elsie could have taken that small amount of info and run with it, or run off at the mouth with it, more likely. 

“Christ, she won't let that drop…”

Kayleigh shook her head, worry written all over her face. “She won't! I’m sorry John, I promised I’d tell her all about it….Well, I didn't think things were going to end up like this, did I?” 

John sighed. Of course, happy endings aren't happy endings. There’s always something round the corner to trip you up. Life didn't hand out the kind of bliss he’d felt since last night without a swift kick in the balls to follow. 

“I’ll sort it out… I’ll think of something. Don’t worry!” Kayleigh pleaded to John but really she may as well tell him not to breathe. Worrying was what he did. Seeing the disaster at the end of the rainbow was his special gift. 

“Well, make it good. We can't let on what's happening unless you want one of us transferred to bloody Liverpool or something.” John wasn't resting in his laurels, his mind was already running round this maze trying to find as many routes out as possible, but it would be better if Kayleigh dealt with Elsie. She knew her better, and he was still traumatised by some of the things Elsie said those ten minutes he was alone with her when he dropped her off. He wanted to keep his distance as much as humanly possible.

“It’ll be fine, don't worry!” Kayleigh repeated, and leaned over to bestow a quick kiss on his cheek. John was so preoccupied with worry, he barely registered it.

He was reminded of his own words - staying away from love was easier. It certainly was. Barely twelve hours into a new relationship and he was already stressed off his nut.

He snuck a look at Kayleigh. She was twiddling a ringlet round and round her finger and looking out the passenger window. Nope, he wasn't going to do this. He wouldn't let his stupid brain run roughshod over his heart. Just looking at Kayleigh there, oblivious to his eyes on her, and unaware of what she did to him. 

He remembered that day with the cyclist. He was raging, fighting a combination of outrage and humiliation as he watched the video ripping into him in a way that was pretty much his worst nightmare. He thought he’d never get out of that bad mood. And five minutes later she had him smiling and laughing, and feeling dopey in love. She did that for him time and time again. He was more wrapped around her finger than that lock of hair. 

As they pulled up to the traffic lights, John leaned over and returned the kiss onto her cheek. Her head snapped round to look at him with delight and surprise. “What was that for?” 

“Being you.” 

She gave a small giggle as the lights changed and John put the car into gear. “Well, I’ll have to be me more often.” She smoothed down her skirt over her thighs, and he could feel her eyes on him. “I wore your Compendium t-shirt to bed… I couldn't bear to take it off. It’s my new nightie now.”

“Glamorous!” John said dryly.

“It smelt like you.” 

“Didn't smell like blue raspberry slush then?” John retorted. It was going to take a long time to get out of the habit of turning every compliment she gave him into a joke. It was a reflex he struggled to fight, but he couldn't deny the thought of her in nothing but a t-shirt bearing his band name certainly lifted more than his spirits. 

“No… but my top is ruined, that's never going to wash out. Vicious cow! I should sue… It was worth it though.”

The way her voice seemed to lower an octave and become softer as she finished her sentence made John’s heart skip. The vision he had of her standing in the crowd covered in blue ice, looking enraged and righteous, would remain with him forever. He had pretty much given up on ever seeing her again. By Saturday he had convinced himself she would resign or simply never show up in work again. And though he argued round and round with himself, still he hadn't been the one to stop that happening, to fix the mess he had made. It was her. All her. She saved him from himself. He would be grateful to her forever, and he would take as long to get over his shame. He could have lost all this, would have lost all this, if was down to him and his stupid fear.

“So..” Kayleigh offered after a moment of silence.

“So…” John waited for whatever it was she was dying to say. Her knew her too well by now.

“So, what’s the plan?”

“The plan? Well, you talk to Elsie and stop her opening her fat gob about you and me, and we keep this quiet until I can figure out a way round management.”

Kayleigh shook her head. “Noooo, not that. I mean what’s YOUR plan? You said not until you take me out on a proper date, so when’s that happening?”

John suddenly sat up straighter in his seat. He’d forgotten about that. What an idiot. So involved in just seeing Kayleigh, in being with her that moment he had forgotten to even consider a plan of action. He’d probably get his man card withdrawn if any bloke knew he’d not only turned down sleeping with Kayleigh, but then totally forgot to make plans for when it was going to happen. Teenage John would kick him in the balls and call him something decidedly un-pc. “I hadn't really thought yet…”

“Well, you better get thinking Jonathan! A lady doesn't like to be kept waiting, and I have to make plans of my own.”

Her voice was twinkling with mischief and it made John’s stomach fizz. “What kind of plans?”

“Lady plans, John! Use your imagination.” She leaned in close to John and tilted her head up at him. 

“Eh?...Oh!” It was a short path for him to walk down, but he was still dismayed by how long it took him to catch on. He had been out of this game too long. He was about as smooth as bloody stone cladding. Thank God Kayleigh was leading him by the hand through all this.

He tried to control the blush spreading across his cheeks. “Well, I was thinking Friday, after work?” he freewheeled.

“Not right after work? I am not going on my first date with you in a polyester drip dry skirt!” 

“No, no, I’ll take you home first… then I’ll pick you up…” John was improvising, but the idea of driving up to that little house to pick Kayleigh up for an actual date delighted him.

“And where are we going?”

John rubbed his chin thoughtfully as if carefully considering his options. In reality, he hadn't a clue and was racking his brains trying to think of someplace. He was pretty sure Wetherspoons and Nandos were out of the question, and he was drawing a blank beyond that. “Not sure I've decided yet.”

“Hmmm well let me know when you decide. I have to know what level to wear.”

“Level?” 

“Yes, there are ten levels of clothes. Wedding fancy, fancy, evening, smart, work smart, smart casual, town casual, actual casual, sporty and hungover.”

John looked at her in total bafflement as Kayleigh counted the categories on her fingers. “Oh well I’ll be sure to ask them what their level is when I book the table,” he said dryly. 

“You do that.”


	2. Chapter 2

The morning was fairly uneventful, and truth be told, John managed to go several hours without thinking about Kayleigh, either in a way he definitely should not be doing in work, or in terms of how he was going to deal with it as a work issue. He was too preoccupied with the everyday life or death situations such as why there were 200 till rolls sitting in an office for tills they didn't even have anymore. Before he knew it, it was 12.30 and he hadn’t given Kayleigh a second thought since she’d given him a little wave as she headed to the staff lockers. And that was where he unexpectedly saw her, as he walked into the break-room looking to give Alan a telling off for leaving his lunch remains on a table in the store room. 

She was getting something from her bag in her locker, whilst chatting to Gail beside her. John watched a little ballet unfold as Kayleigh pulled something from her bag, dropped something else on the floor, laughed and tossed her hair back then bent over to pick whatever it was up. John nearly had to make a quick exit for a cold shower such was the effect on him. How could he forget in just a few hours how stunning she was? How sexy and lively and feminine? He swallowed hard and forgot entirely why he was in there, just as Kayleigh turned round and smiled on seeing him.

“Oh there you are!” she said as if she’d been talking about him. “I need to talk to you about that holiday situation… if you have a minute?” 

“Holidays? That's not my…” Kayleigh gave him a raised eyebrow and he suddenly cottoned on. “Oh yeah, that… certainly Miss Kitson.”

He followed Kayleigh out the room into the deserted corridor, where she slapped his arm as soon as he closed the door behind him.

“You idiot! You’ve never called me Miss Kitson before in your life!”

“Shit! Have I not?” John felt sweat round his collar and longed for that cold shower. 

“You always called me Kayleigh! And you were worried about ME giving the game away!” Kayleigh folded her arms across her chest and looked pleased with herself. Standing on tiptoe she leaned forward to give John a kiss, but he grabbed her by the arms and leaned back.

“I told you! Not at work!” he said more harshly than he intended, as he pulled her away from the breakroom door and round the corner. He looked around furtively in case they’d been spotted while Kayleigh rolled her eyes.

“Sorry, I forgot…” Kayleigh said. “Anyway I was coming with good news about that…” She smiled brightly then, though the image of her frown from a moment ago was burned in John’s brain. “I spoke to Elsie… and it's all fine. She doesn't suspect anything.”

“Are you sure? What did you say?”

“I just told her it was about money…”

John narrowed his eyes. “In what way?” 

“I just said I had borrowed money from you, in an emergency - which is true - and you were being a bit of a dick about getting it back so I had to get it back to you before you told work about it…”

Kayleigh stopped talking when John made a pained wailing noise. “For the love of God, what did you say that for?! Now she’ll think I’m a right bastard…”

“Well to be honest she didn't seem at all surprised…”

John buried his head in his hands. This was all he needed, to get a reputation as Scrooge to add to the other flattering images his staff had of him. 

“What?” Kayleigh seemed genuinely unphased by the implications. “You didn’t want her to think we were together and now she doesn't. So it’s all fine.”

“Except my reputation’s in tatters… what if she goes to HR or something and says I’m bullying you?”

Kayleigh waved a dismissive hand as footsteps approached. “She would never tell tales to HR. Calm down John, you worry too much.” She leaned back to see who was coming and gave a little nod of her head. “Anyway, that should be the matter settled…” she said in voice that was too loud and too polite as she walked back down the corridor to the breakroom, crossing paths with Gareth as she went.

John thrust his hands in his pockets and tried to look casual.

“Alright Mr Redmond?” Gareth gave him a nod as he passed by. John returned the nod, then as soon as Gareth was out of sight he relaxed and practically folded in two. 

He was going to have an ulcer by Christmas at this rate. Why did he let everything stress him out so much? This should be one of the happiest days of his life and he was wasting his day imagining all the horrific ways this could all turn out - and him and Kayleigh losing their jobs was one of the less traumatic endings he envisioned.

He returned to his office, sat down and banged his head gently off his desk. Get. A. Grip. He loved Kayleigh, madly. And she loved him. Everything else didn't matter. “It doesn't matter,” he said aloud trying to sound airy and waving his hand casually. It didn't convince even himself. 

He flopped back in his chair and span it back and forth a bit, and that was about as constructive as he managed to be for much of the afternoon. He’d put his hand on the mouse and stare at his computer monitor whenever Kath Hilton came back into their shared office, but he didn't take in anything he was looking at. The image of Kayleigh’s face when he’d pushed her away kept coming back into his mind. She’d gotten over it but in that moment he’d hurt her. He had done too much of that in recent days, way too much. He could be sensible and cautious without pissing in her cornflakes. He needed to let her know she was his priority.

He lifted his head to notice Kath was at her desk, though he’d been unaware of her presence for some time. “Sorry to bother you Kath,” he said, “but I was wondering, if you really wanted to impress someone, for a meal, where would you go?”

By 4pm his blood pressure had returned to normal, and he felt more control of his life. This work thing wouldn't sort itself out overnight but there was plenty time to focus on that. Today he just wanted to focus on one thing. So after he’d cleared out his inbox, he went looking for Kayleigh.

He eventually found her in the stock room with Tony and Roisin, deciding which flavour of yoghurt needed most promotion. 

“Blueberry just sits there, no one wants it!” Roisin said as she looked at the palette in front of them.

“I know how it feels,” Tony said as he leaned on the palette trolley handle.

“Isn't it a superfood or something?” Kayleigh said. “Maybe we could do a promotion with that? Throw in avocados and almonds and stuff, get a theme going? Superfood September? I’ll talk to John…”

John had watched the little group silently for a moment. Too often all he got to hear of Kayleigh’s job was her moaning in the car about it. It tickled him to see her doing her job and doing it well. He suspected she liked what she did far more than she let on.

“Oh here he is now! Perfect timing Mr Redmond…” Tony said as he looked up and spotted John by the door. “Kayleigh was just speaking about you.”

“Was she?” John feigned total nonchalance and was entertained to see Kayleigh suddenly look panicked.

“Just about an idea for shifting these yoghurts!” 

“Oh right… maybe you want to tell me about it in my office?” John tried to give nothing away, but he saw Tony and Roisin exchange a glance as Kayleigh sighed and walked after him.

“John, I promise I wasn't saying-” Kayleigh began as she passed through the storeroom door and into the corridor, but she didn't get any further, as John pulled her to him and kissed her hard. 

He pulled away and looked around him surreptitiously making sure no one had seen them, as Kayleigh gaped like a fish with surprise. 

“Well…” Kayleigh said approvingly.

“Look, I’m sorry. I’m not very good at being in a relationship and I am even less good at being in a relationship at work. I haven't had the two worlds collide like this before. It’s going to take me a while to figure this all out, but while I am there’s no need for me to be a shit to you.”

Kayleigh rubbed her hand up and down his arm. “You’ve not been a shit. You just worry. You don't want to get in trouble. It’s fine, I understand.”

John shook his head. “I don't want either of us to get in trouble. I just worry if they find out, one of us will get moved…”

Kayleigh looked at him adoringly. “Aww bless. And then we couldn't car share anymore. You are such a romantic really, John.”

“Aye well don't let on, I’ve got a reputation as a miserable bastard to keep.”

“Miserable bastards don't write gorgeous love songs about their unrequited love,” Kayleigh said, tilting her head and beginning to hum a close proximity of the tune to John’s song for her. 

“Shhhh, you better not let on about that!” John felt himself going red. Though his emotions clambered all over each other to come out on top, embarrassment was definitely winning. There was a part of him that loved that Kayleigh had heard it, and he was especially glad she had heard it while he was totally unawares. The thought of singing it to her was excruciating. Exposing himself so thoroughly as he did in songwriting was only something he could do without ever imagining the object of the song hearing it. In fact most of the time he was glad there wasn't a single person he knew in the audience whenever Compendium performed. Strangers knowing the contents of his heart was fine, but people he knew? He’d be less embarrassed showing them the contents of his lav. 

Now Kayleigh knew so much of him, and probably far more than he realised she knew, it was easier but it still didn't sit right. However, the thought of it reaching a wider audience, and worst of all, the people within the walls that he was meant to command respect from was a fate worse than death. He had enough trouble keeping them in line without them taking the piss over his side-line in frustrated rock star posturing.

“I won’t, I promise… as much as I’d love to shout it from the rooftops.” Kayleigh beamed with pride and John melted even more. 

He felt so much more relaxed. He suspected if he could stay in Kayleigh’s arms 24/7 he might never feel stressed again, although it wasn't exactly conducive to a successful career in management. “Anyway, I better get on, but I just wanted to let you know I’ve booked a table…”

The words had barely left John’s mouth before Kayleigh clapped like a seal and squealed with delight.

“Il Divo, 7.30, Friday. Be there or be square,” John continued with a self-conscious chuckle.

“Ooh, fancy!” Kayleigh cooed approvingly.

“Yeah, well…” John wanted to say “you deserve it” or “only the best for you” but he chickened out. There was only so far down the route of romantic hero he felt able to go. He hoped Kayleigh got the gist anyway. It was proving much easier to show her how he felt than tell her, which his self-imposed sex ban was not helping. “Right, get back to work Miss Kitson…” He winked and grinned as Kayleigh touched her face, then fluffed her hair.

“John…” she said seriously as she headed back to the storeroom.

“Hmm?”

“You know those baby wipes you have in your car?”

“They’re just wipes…”

“I think you should keep a pack in your desk…if you know you’re going to be going that.” She grinned at him as she pushed through the storeroom door and disappeared.

John immediately wiped his hand across his mouth, then looked horrified to see the hot pink smears once again glistening on his skin. “Shit!” He hurried to the gents and prayed no one would catch the assistant manager smeared in lippy before he got there.

 

The journey home that evening felt like a whole new ball game.Their conversation was the same - gossip from work, moans and complaints, singing to songs on the radio and chatting about whatever filled their heads - but it all came with a new relaxed air, now things were solid between them. The last time they had driven home, everything had been plagued by John’s fears and insecurities. He had been living on a knife edge for weeks afraid of what might happen, yet also desperately wanting it to happen. Now he had fallen off the fence the fear was all gone, replaced by glee and a sexual appetite he had forgotten he was capable of. 

He couldn't lie that part of the afternoon had been spent in very unsafe for work daydreams about finding some out of the way spot on the drive home and be damned with waiting and planning for perfection. But life was conspiring against him - as ever. He’d promised to take his nana to her new book club, a promise he had forgotten about in all the excitement but which his mother made sure to remind him of with a text. He probably made the promise on Friday evening when he had taken his Nana home, at that time he thought that was the closest thing to a social life he was ever going to get. 

So there was no time for detours. They couldn't even stop at the drive-thru that had become a semi regular haunt for them to sit and talk face to face for half an hour, under the guise of getting a brew. 

Nope, they’d driven straight to Mandy’s, and he didn't even stop to get out the car for more ribbing from Steve. He’d simply kissed Kayleigh goodbye- for far less time than he’d like - and with a promise to call her before he went to sleep, he’d driven away. Looking in his wing mirror and seeing Kayleigh waving him goodbye gave him an ache he’d never felt before. The only way he could describe it was that he felt homesick.

However Monday evening with his Nana was enough to dampen anyone’s ardour. She hadn't asked any questions, only commented that she was glad he had cheered up since Friday. His Mum wasn't so good at hiding her curiosity, and had sent him a pointed text asking if he had caught up with Kayleigh and if everything was okay. He’d written and rewritten his reply about six times before settling on “Yes fine”. He would have to tell her at some point, but that was another problem for another day. He was trying to limit his emotional crises to one at a time. 

Sadly, work wasn't as easily pushed aside. Especially when Dave Thompson called him at the crack of arse Tuesday morning. John was already en route to pick up Kayleigh when Dave’s panicked voice rung out from his car speakers. Wigan’s assistant manager had been involved in an accident and was on her way to hospital with a suspected broken leg. It was Litchy’s day off and Dave couldn't get hold of him. Could John head over to Wigan and take over for the day until they got some cover?

John swore up a storm once he’d hung up, then immediately called Kayleigh to let her know he couldn't pick her up. The disappointment in her voice was a brief comfort, and one that made John madly consider if he could somehow still pick her up… and even go so far as wondering if he could pretend he had already picked her up when Dave called, as an excuse to take her to Wigan with him.

Sense caught up with him as he crawled along the motorway and his joy ebbed away to resigned frustration as he neared Wigan. His day went downhill from there on. A couple of snatched phone calls with Kayleigh were all he managed through his chaotic day, and eventually he had to admit not only would he not be able to take her home, it was unlikely he’d be back at their store tomorrow morning either.

Suddenly Friday seemed a very, very long way away. 

 

Thankfully relief of sorts arrived mid Wednesday morning in the form of Litchy sauntering back into work.

“Where in Christ’s name have you been?” John asked as Litchy popped his head round the manager’s office door and entering, sat on the edge of the desk looking smug and relaxed. The bastard.

“I was on a yoga retreat in darkest Snowdonia.”

John rolled his eyes. “Were you?”

Litchy picked up a paperweight and tossed it from hand to hand. “I could have been, and that's all them upstairs need to know.” 

“Alan Campbell’s been trying to contact you since yesterday. Leanne got hit by a car in Asda’s carpark, broke her leg in two places. She’s not going to be back for weeks. I’ve had to cover until head office can find someone to replace her.”

“Oh right,” Litchy said sounding utterly nonplussed. “What were she doing at Asda?”

John stared at Ian incredulously. “That’s your take away from that? You’re not fussed what was happening with your store?”

Litchy shrugged. “I knew it would get sorted, no point in stressing on my day off.” 

“Oh aye, it got sorted cos I’ve had to abandon my store to come here and babysit your lot, who by the way couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery.”

John was staggered to see Litchy laugh knowingly. “True, that.” Litchy appeared to notice John’s rising blood pressure and put out a reassuring hand. “It’s fine, I know how to handle them. You’ve got to keep them on their toes… which reminds me, how’s things going with that little car share fluff of yours?”

Words failed John as he raised his hands in bewilderment at Litchy’s sudden change of tack. After some blustering, he finally managed a semi-convincing denial. “I don't know what you’re talking about…”

“Oh still playing dumb are we? Or is that what she does?” Ian sniggered to himself as John stood up and grabbed a clipboard.

“Right, you’re here now, you want to do this hand-over so I can get back to my own store?” John stood in the doorway, as Litchy still lingered on the desk fiddling with everything within arm’s reach.

“Suppose I better… Let you get back to your bit on the side.”

“She’s not my bit on the side!” John snapped, then could have kicked himself when Ian’s face radiated a whole new level of smug. 

“If you say so,” Litchy grinned as he sauntered past John out of the room. 

The entire time John led Litchy through all that had happened, and not happened, and needed to happen in the store, he was fighting a battle within himself. Litchy was a knob of the highest order. And he could take a run and jump… but at the same time.... He was also a renowned lothario who had, allegedly, got away with more work “romances” (and that was truly stretching the definition of the word) than John had had hot dinners. If anyone was going to be able to help John navigate both the choppy waters of a workplace relationship, and the delicate negotiations of going to bed with a woman after a period of… not, it was Ian bloody Litchfield. 

The thought of opening himself up to Litchy, and worse being beholden to him over a secret made John consider celibacy as a less painful alternative. Yet… bollocks, he didn't have many other options, and he was going out of his head keeping this all inside.

As Litchy settled himself back at his desk, John hovered uncomfortably at the door. 

“Just supposing…” he paused trying to find a way to phrase it. 

Before he could find the words, Litchy looked up and gave him a cocky grin. “Supposing you were shagging one of your staff?”

John flinched at the description. “No, no… Christ, no… well... if someone was in that position…”

Litchy gave a snort at John’s reaction. 

“What… how would you say is the best to handle that?” John continued, finally closing the door so the two men could avoid being overheard.

“Finally, you come to the master. Take a seat and let me give you some of my hard earned insight.” Ian indicated the chair at the other side of the desk. John took it whilst feeling very much like a school boy in the headmaster’s office… albeit a sex obsessed headmaster who kept a bottle of vodka and a 12 pack of condoms in the bottom drawer of his desk.

“I mean,” John began again. “How do you manage it? I know you've had… relationships with your staff. How do you get away with It?” 

Litchy leaned back and linked his fingers behind his head. “Let me tell you something John, your staff hate you…”

John visibly flinched. “Eh? I know I’m not bloody Lady Di but I don't think they feel that bad…”

“They do. But don't worry about it, it’s the way of the world…”

“Oh.” John relaxed a little. This conversation was so far going about as well as he expected.

“Staff hate managers. It’s the law of retail. It just is. That's the dynamic you are forced into you. You have power, they don't. That's the circle of life - and that’s the secret. You have to be the middle ground, the barrier between them and the people they really hate…

“And that is?” 

“The higher ups. Your staff hates you until you hold their fate in your hand, then they love you and are begging you to plead their case to regional manager or whoever.”

John gave a chuckle. That was true enough. The number of times staff who have barely known his name but would act like his best friend if a promotion or disciplinary was on the cards.

“Aye, I get that, but how does that help me… uh I mean that situation?”

Litchy gave a lopsided smile at John’s pathetic attempt to distance himself. God, if he was going to get away with this, he had to get better at lying.

“Well, look, you keep your staff on side and hating YOUR boss then you know they won't go above your head to grass on you for a bit of extracurricular activity…” 

John’s disapproving look made Litchy hold out his hands.

“Hey now, I’m not talking anything dodgy. I treat all my ladies right…”

John raised his eyebrows at “all”. Litchy’s life was a world away from what he felt for Kayleigh and his own worries. It was a mistake to even think Litchy could relate at all.

“If any girl I’m seeing has any complaints, I’m here to listen, I’m all about improving performance all round. All I am saying is... If you’re consenting adults, and you’re just having a bit of fun, who is it hurting? Why is it any of their business?” He jerked his head skyward.

John sighed… he had to concede he had a point. Of course the rules were there for a reason, but surely as a manager he knew some rules could be bent in the right circumstances? There were plenty of incidents concerning his staff’s own misdemeanours he hadn't passed on to Dave, all for the sake of a smooth running store and a bit of human decency. Maybe he and Kayleigh came under that same umbrella? He wasn't abusing his power, and working with Kayleigh in the store would improve his own morale which would surely be a better working atmosphere for his staff? Surely?

“Yeah… yeah… I see what you mean,” John finally agreed. 

Litchy smiled with a self-satisfied air that made John feel grubby. “And listen, John, take a tip from me. Take the bloody stick out your arse and lighten up. Your staff might cut you more slack if they see you’re an actual human being, instead of a rulebook in a suit.”

The line cut John to the core. He knew he was straight-laced as they come but he also knew he wasn’t a walking demotivational poster like Dave Thompson. He genuinely cared about his staff - well, to a degree - and he hoped they could come to him with any problems. But he had to admit, since getting closer he’d learned far more about his staff’s private lives than he’d ever known in all his years in management. Maybe he should be taking a leaf out of her book? God, she’d never let him hear the end of it!

And whilst he was on the topic of Kayleigh, John plucked up his courage to take this line of education from the mighty Litchy one step further.

“Any other… tips you’ve got to share?” John waved his hand around in an attempt to appear casual, but wasn't convincing even himself.

“Tips?”

“Yeah, you know, just while we’re on the topic of the fairer sex…” John gave the worst fake laugh of his life and wanted to die, as Litchy nodded knowingly. 

“John… John… John…” Litchy swung in the chair, his hands firmly behind his head. “I’ll just say this. All that old school ‘treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen’ stuff is a load of shite. Give a lady what she wants and she will always come back for more. Treat ‘em like a queen and you’ll have more fanny than you can shake a stick at.” 

This time John couldn't hide his visceral reaction as he screwed his face up at Litchy’s phrasing. Nope. Nope. Nope. He couldn’t do it. There was no way he was exposing anymore of his private life to that oil slick of a man behind the desk. He’d struggle through himself.

Yet as he drove back to his own store, some of Ian’s words about his work situation stuck in his mind like chewing gum to the bottom of a table.


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as he was back on home ground in his own store, John set out to find Kayleigh. Despite the angle Litchy came from, he did have a point. They weren't hurting anyone, maybe it would be fine if people at work knew? As long as Dave Thompson didn't find out, they could keep the status quo as long as they liked. He was going to learn to lighten up if it bloody killed him. And he would start today. After forty years of disasters, he had a girlfriend who… Christ he hadn't used that word, hadn't thought about it since Kayleigh brought it up on Sunday, teasing him about his mum. Kayleigh was his girlfriend. He rolled the concept around his head repeatedly. It felt good. He was nuts about her and lucky him, he got to work with her every day. He should be taking advantage of that, not acting like a discount Hitler.

He eventually found Kayleigh on the shop floor handing out samples of Still Not Butter on little squares of bread. Once he caught sight of her, he didn't even stop to think of discretion and wait until there were no customers around. Discretion could sling its hook. If Litchy could sleep with half his female staff and still come out almost top of the managerial league, he could enjoy the fact that he was head over heels in love with one of his staff. 

“I need a word Miss Kitson…” he said as he marched up to her. He added a wink as he turned away from the customers who were shoving free bread into their mouths like greedy ducks. His stomach flipped at the way Kayleigh’s face lit up on seeing him. 

“Certainly Mr Redmond,” she answered, as she took off her plastic gloves and excused herself to the customers who barely looked up. 

John led the way through to the back of the store while he heard her heels click-clacking behind him, keeping up with his fast pace. Before they had even left the shop floor he reached back and grabbed her hand, pulling her along with him as they went through the plastic curtain to the cold storage. He didn't give a crap who saw them. If Elsie was right, they were the talk of the store already. Let’s give them something to talk about.

“John!” Kayleigh squealed, giggling.

As soon as they were completely clear of the shop floor John stopped walking and pulled her to him in a hug. He wrapped his arms around her back and buried his face in her hair, feeling her arms go up around his neck. 

“Jesus, I didn't half miss you,” he breathed into her hair.

“I can tell!” Kayleigh giggled again and he felt it reverberate through her body. “What’s come over you? Anybody could see us!”

“Good, let them.” 

Kayleigh pulled herself away from him to look in his face. “Well, I don't know what they did to you in Wigan, but I’m not complaining.”

“I had a word with Litchy.”

“Wow. Okay… And what did he say?” 

“That we’re not hurting anyone and it's no one else’s business but ours.” John loosened his grip of Kayleigh but kept a hand on the small of her back, rubbing his fingers in little circles just above the waistline of her skirt.

“Sounds like good advice to me.” Kayleigh slid her hands down his arms, but didn't take a step back out of his reach.

“I thought so… as long as I’m not using my position over you?” John said raising his eyebrows. 

“I wish you would…” Kayleigh grinned. 

A suggestive mark like that would normally elicit a long-suffering shake of the head from John - the innuendo was too close for comfort, too much a reminder of the world where he felt hideously inadequate. But not today, not the new John.

He had set his own ground rule about sex barely three days ago, and frankly he had been proud if his decision then. Of course that was because he was convincing himself it was an entirely noble move based on wanting neither of them to regret it, and wanting to show Kayleigh he was a gentleman who wanted only the best for her. If he was honest with himself it was partly cowardice. It had been a while. A bloody long while. He needed some time to mentally prepare. What he hadn't anticipated that he’d be prepared in every other way so quickly. He was more than prepared, he was gagging for it. 

“What time is it?” he asked.

Kayleigh withdrew her arms and looked at her watch. “Uh just coming up to quarter past twelve.”

“Time for your lunch break.” Now it was John’s turn to grin knowingly, causing Kayleigh to raise her eyebrow and press her lips together. “There must be some spot in this bloody place we can go for half an hour, undisturbed…” 

John looked around setting his mind to the task of trying to think which office, or frankly cupboard, would be least likely to be occupied. He couldn't kick Kath out of theirs, that was taking the cavalier attitude a bit far. He tried to think but his brain was being short changed by the rest of his body which seemed to be hogging his blood supply. He drew a blank. 

“Ooh, wait, back of twelve? I know where we can go…” Kayleigh took off and John trailed behind, largely for the view. 

Most of the staff members they passed paid no attention to them whatsoever, frankly John was a little disappointed. He liked the idea of shocking the staff who thought he was as exciting as a slug, with a similar sex life, but no one seemed in the slightest bit interested. 

Eventually they rounded a corridor and Kayleigh pointed to the last door on the right. “There…”

John was beyond confused. “Eh? That’s the CCTV room?” 

“Yup, and Theo goes for his lunch at quarter past, and he always has a cigarette after.”

John stopped short. “Don't we have someone covering him?”

“No, don't you remember?” Kayleigh said as she stood expectantly outside the door. “It was meant to be Ryan, then he broke his arm.”

“Christ! I forgot all about that. So there’s no one monitoring the CCTV every time he’s on a break?! Jesus, we need to get that sorted right out the gate…”

He felt Kayleigh’s eyes bore into him. 

“John! You’re missing the point here…”

He had to pull himself out of old habits. He was new John, carefree John who didn't sweat the small stuff and didn't always put work first. Who cares if it's being monitored? It's all being recorded anyway. There was an opportunity here, the kind of risk he had taken back in the reckless days of Anna, when consequences and grown up decisions seemed so far away. It was time that version of John came into the 21st century and paid attention to the fact he had the most stunning woman he had ever known making suggestive suggestions.

“Sorry…” John knocked, and when no answer came, he grabbed his large ring of keys from his belt and unlocked the door. Looking both ways down the corridor, he opened the door for Kayleigh to slip inside before following her and locking the door behind them. When he turned, Kayleigh was propped against the end of Theo’s desk that ran in front of the wall of monitors. “Now where were we?” he said, as Kayleigh leaned on her hands. 

“You were telling me how much you missed me…” She smiled and pushed her hair off her shoulder. 

“Ah right,” John said closing the short distance between them. “We’ve established I’m not very good at words, I best show you.”

He placed a hand either side of her on the desk and leaning down, planted a kiss on her waiting lips. It had been less than 48 hours since he kissed her, yet it felt like as many years. How had he resisted this all those weeks in the car? More to the point, why had he? 

Kayleigh put her hands either side of his face and met the kiss with aplomb. 

It didn't take long for them both to abandon themselves to the kiss, and swiftly it took on the heat and urgency of the kissing they had done on John’s sofa those few nights before; kisses that had left John having to do a lot more than take a cold shower after she had gone home. He idly wondered if unreleased sexual yearnings could be a cause of death? If so, he might not make it alive to Friday. 

He was leaning further and further forward, Kayleigh’s arms now round his back, one of his legs caught between her knees and pushing her skirt further up her thighs. John tore his mouth away from hers and began places kisses on her neck, which made her squirm in delight and wrap her ankles around his calf. 

“John… John…” she said breathlessly. “John!” Eventually she caught his attention and he met her face. “Are you still sure about waiting?… Because it doesn't really seem like it right now!” She gave a chuckle as John hung his head in exaggerated shame. 

“Am I being a tease?” he asked only half joking. He had been on the other side of this particular fence many times in his life, and he felt bad to be the executioner of an agony he knew all too well. He wondered if any of the lasses who had held him at bay in his youth had felt as torn and frustrated as he did right now?

“No!” Kayleigh laughed, and stroked her hands through his hair. “I just want to be sure it’s still what you want, I’m getting some mixed signals.” She looked down pointedly between them. 

John gave an embarrassed chuckle. “Well I can't help that, I’m afraid. He won't listen to a word I say. Mind of his own.” 

Kayleigh pulled an “is that so” face and smiled. “I don't mind, if it's what you want to do… I just want to make sure I know.”

John straightened up a bit and looked more serious. “I do… I mean… it's not what I WANT want… but I think it's right. I want it to be right. More than a quick fumble in an office.” 

“Well, if that's what this is, it’s suiting me fine so far.” Kayleigh looked cheekily up at him. God, he needed a will of iron when she looked like that.

“I just mean… Christ, however I say this I’m going to sound like a cheesy git… You drive me out me mind, I clearly want to...And a man only has so much will power... I just think the main event... “ He cringed openly and Kayleigh gave a giggle. “I want it to be special for us, for you… I want to put bloody effort into it… not be looking over my shoulder and trying to race Linford Christie to a sprint finish.” 

Kayleigh guffawed at that, and John stood up straight. Why did he find it so hard to explain? He should have written her another song about waiting for sex. Something along the lines of “I’m scared when you see me naked, you might end up giving me the bin, so I want you to remember more of our first time, than me just trying to stick it in.” He should send that to Gary Barlow. 

“I just want it to be worth it,” he tried again. “Not something you’ll regret.” 

“John, I’m not going to regret it!”

“Well, you might if it happened in here in less time than it takes Theo to smoke a fag.”

Kayleigh gave a soft sigh. “So what you’re saying is you want to make love to me properly in a bed, but in the meantime, you’ll settle for a quick feel?”

“Got it in one!” John gave her a wink. She certainly was good at making this stuff easier at the same time she was making it MUCH, much tougher.

Kayleigh shrugged. “I can live with that…” She followed her faux nonchalance with a grin, and reached out to John. “You are gorgeous, you know that?!” Kayleigh said smoothing her hand down his face. 

“I’m glad you think so. I’d have thought you’d be eyeing up Ted 2 as a stand in. Doubt he’d mess you about like this.” He knew it was a terrible habit to bring up his insecurities as jokes, but it was still so hard to believe. Kayleigh wanted him, not Ted 2, or Theo, or that new delivery driver that apparently looked like Idris Elba. She wanted him. 

“You’re not messing me about. Would you just relax?! I don't mind, in fact I think it’s lovely. Our Mandy said it was lovely too…”

John screwed his face up and winced. “God, don't tell me that! I don't want to think about her knowing about me sex life.”

Kayleigh laughed. “Sorry, John, you’ll just have to get used to it. Actually, the word she used first was ‘weird’ but when I explained it all, she said it was lovely. She said I was lucky to find myself a bloke who thought about things so much.”

It was, ironically, something John had never thought about. He was an over-thinker, always looking for the disaster round the corner. He never considered it might be a positive. 

Suddenly a thought crossed John’s over-thinking mind. “You haven't told anyone else have you?”

Kayleigh looked confused. “I thought this was you saying it was okay if people knew?

“I meant about us being together! I didn't mean our sex life, or lack of one!” Panic was rising in John faster than his blood pressure. Christ, what if she’d told Elsie or that other gob on a stick Diane? He couldn't look at any of his staff again.

“Of course I haven't, John! Calm down, you're going to give yourself a heart attack!” 

“Christ, I mean, after Diane felt the need to tell everyone I bat for the other side... If it gets out I’m turning down me girlfriend’s advances...that’ll only make them think she’s bloody right…” John’s rant tailed off and he looked down to see Kayleigh leaning back on her elbows grinning at him. “What?”

“Did you hear what you just said?” 

“Eh?”

“You called me your girlfriend.”

He had. Shit, he really had. It had slipped out without him noticing. “Well, you are, aren't you?” The end of his sentence had far more doubt in his voice than he would have liked. 

Kayleigh pouted her lips and pretended to think hard. “I’m not sure, I don’t know if I am… I don't think someone can be your girlfriend until you’ve at least taken them out on a date…” She broke in to a smile. 

John melted and the panic that had been rising slunk off into a corner. “Well then, we best make most of this,” he said as he gathered her up in his arms again, “Cos I’m gonna have a girlfriend in two days.” 

Kayleigh looked at her watch. “Yes we’d better. Theo will be back soon!”

John closed in to kiss her and felt her giggle just before their mouths met. Now the limits had been set, he felt a new freedom in expressing his emotions. They had agreed what wasn't going to happen, so now they were free to explore what could happen. 

Before long Kayleigh was almost prone on Theo’s desk, her blouse having parted ways with the waistband of her skirt thanks to a helping hand from John. John himself had shrugged off his jacket, which now lay at his feet, only one of which was still on the ground as passion had driven him to almost crawl on top of Kayleigh. Were she a snooker table, John was in position to pot the black in the top right pocket.

For once, John had lost himself completely and totally to his feelings. 

So lost, that he didn't hear the key in the lock. 

So lost, he didn't hear the door opening and the collective gasp that came from the doorway. 

But not so lost that he didn't hear the dulcet tones of Dave Thompson yell “John” in a voice that could only be described as apoplectic. 

John and Kayleigh tore their faces apart and turned their heads in unison to the now open door. Frozen in position, they stared at the horrified face of Dave Thompson his hand still on the door handle, while his left arm tried to hold back the inquisitive figures of Elsie and Janine.

“Here, Mr Thompson, is that what you meant about hands on management?” Elsie asked as Janine simply stood, mouth agape, taking in the view.


	4. Chapter 4

The following few minutes had been a flurry of clothes adjusting, apologising, cowering and general chaos as Dave pushed Janine and Elsie back out into the corridor before commanding John to follow him to his office. Kayleigh had sensibly slunk off after Janine and Elsie, since Dave didn't name her in his dictate. 

John had gone into Dave’s office in more fear and trepidation than he thought humanly possible. He felt humiliated and idiotic. He chided himself on listening to Litchy, of all people, and for letting himself go so freely and taking such a huge risk. But as he waited for Dave to call him in, he wrestled with his mind. There was another part of him that felt oddly proud of himself. He didn't have a leg to stand on - pun unintended - in terms of defending what they had been doing, but he also knew he wasn't doing anything wrong in being with Kayleigh. Not really. It was a rule that others broke regularly, and he wouldn't go down without a fight if that's what Dave was going to lay on him. At least now he had nothing to fear coming out, and that felt somewhat freeing. 

He wasn't sure he’d still have a job by 5pm, but he did. 

After his meeting with Dave they had had a scheduled meeting with Kath and he thought it wise to keep his head low after that. He could only imagine what the place were saying about him. Kayleigh had text him twice, asking what happened and if everything was okay. He’d simply replied he would explain later. Last thing he needed was a text going astray or being caught trying to speak to Kayleigh alone. So he had spent the rest of the day at his desk being as industrious as humanly possible until it was time to go home.

He waited a few minutes longer than normal when he finished, knowing most of the 5pm finishers would have already bolted from the building, and he was right. The corridor was completely empty as he made his way outside. When he pushed open the door, he immediately saw Kayleigh leaning against the driver’s side of the car. Her eyes were following a cluster of folk walking past her a short distance away, and John could hear their giggling.

“John, what happened?” Kayleigh called out as soon as she caught sight of him. Instantly the heads of the little group swung round to take in John, and their level of chatter and laughter got louder.

“Just get in,” John hissed as he hurried across and unlocked the car. 

Kayleigh rushed round and got in the passenger side, all the time looked worriedly at John as he climbed in the driver’s seat.

“John! Tell me! What happened? I’ve been so worried! I didn't know what to do for the best… what happened?” She stared at John expectantly as he started the car, but he avoided her gaze and kept his eyes on the mirrors as he maneuvered the car out of their space, and out of the car park. 

“John?” Kayleigh was practically begging.

He made one more glance in the rear view mirror, and once the store sign was out of sight he breathed a sigh and gave her a reassuring glance. 

“Well, what happened? Did you get the sack?” Kayleigh asked.

“Nope.” John shook his head but gave little else away.

“Did I get the sack?”

“Nope.”

“Transferred?”

“Nope.”

“What? John, will you talk to me? What’s happened?”

“Nothing.” John looked at her and smiled broadly. It was cruel of him to drag it out like this, but the look on her face was a picture.

“What do you mean, nothing? Not a warning? Nothing?!” Kayleigh’s voice went up an octave in disbelief with her last word, and John gave a chuckle.

“Well, I got a right bollocking obviously. Dave Thompson gave me a long and detailed explanation on “misuse of work property”, but pretty much that was it.”

Kayleigh looked back and forth from John to the windscreen and back again, and raised her hands in confusion. “I don't get it! I’ve been so scared! I thought I’d made you lose your job and you were going to be furious and you’d dump me and I’d have to move to Australia!” 

John couldn't help but grin. It was comforting to hear Kayleigh sometimes too took worry to the nth degree, and the fact it was over him made it even nicer. “That was never going to happen,” he reassured and patted her knee. 

“It’s really okay? You’re sure? We can carry on working here? Together?”

“Looks like it…”

Kayleigh took a couple of deep breaths and seemed to relax more. “I don't get it…” she said, almost to herself.

“Neither did I,” John said, remembering his own confusion at Dave’s meandering talk earlier that day. “But turns out there’s two very good reasons why Dave Thompson isn't going to make any report on this...:”

Kayleigh’s head snapped round to look at John, reacting to the teasing in his voice. “Ooh! What’s that?”

John smiled without looking at her. This was going to be fun. “Well, first of all, if he tells head office what we were doing in that room…” He cleared his throat allowing himself a moment to enjoy the memory of what indeed they were doing and how it felt, before continuing. “Then he also has to explain to head office why there was no one monitoring the CCTV.”

Kayleigh's hand covered her mouth as her jaw dropped open at the realisation. “O.M.G. John, did you arrange that deliberately?”

John rolled his eyes. “Don't be daft! ‘Course I didn't. It was your idea to go there, I didn't even know until you mentioned it!”

“Oh yeah… so, he can't grass us up without admitted he effed up big time?!” Kayleigh’s voice was filled with dawning realisation that delighted John.

“Yup! And that's a far bigger crime in the eyes if head office than a bit of… you know?”

“Wow…” Kayleigh said slowly. “So we could have carried on?” She giggled as John shook his head.

“Jesus, the sight of those three is enough to put anyone off sex for life. I doubt I could have carried on if I had a bucket of Viagra and Kylie Minogue doing a striptease!” He still hadn't broached what happened with the two other voyeurs who had caught them in the act. That was Kayleigh’s side of the story and he wasn't looking forward to it as, now he knew their jobs were safe, what the other repercussions were going to be still troubled him. 

They sat quietly for a few moments as Forever FM burbled away through the speakers.

“Oh… so, what was the other thing?” Kayleigh asked. John wondered how long it would take her.

“Ah well, see, misusing the CCTV room was one thing, but that doesn't cover the whole manager slash subordinate relationship aspect…”

Kayleigh screwed up her face. “I hate that word - “subordinate”.

“It just means beneath me…”

“Exactly! It just reminds me how much Dave Thompson and the likes look down their noses at people like me,” Kayleigh angrily. 

John couldn't argue. Nor did he have any intentions of letting Kayleigh in on some of the parts of Dave Thompson’s lecture that had focused on John’s choice of partner. Getting your leg over in work time was acceptable but choosing Kayleigh Kitson as your partner was less so. Dave had made very clear his opinions on Kayleigh, in detail, and John had gone from consilitary to outrage in a matter of moments. He wanted to set Dave right, correct all his horrible assumptions about her, and make him aware of her finer qualities. He wanted to say that she loved with the power of Niagara Falls, that she brought happiness like sunshine on a cloudy day, that she wore her emotions on her very skin and never once felt ashamed… but he didn't. 

He got tongue tied and scared and imagined the look on Dave’s face if he’d come out with something as poetic as that as his defence. Dave wouldn’t understand even if he did explain. In the end, he just settled for the simplest truth.

As Dave Thompson looked to him for explanation or apology or perhaps to join in the Kayleigh bashing John just said “I love her.” And he was floored to see Dave sigh and shrug and say, “Well that’s that then!”. John was a lost cause in his eyes, yet it seemed to take the wind out of Dave’s sails and set him on a path of further explanation that John certainly DID intend to share with Kayleigh.

“So what was the other thing? Is it juicy?” Kayleigh continued, getting back on track.

John gave a snort. “Aye you could say that… After he was done repapering his office with me head, he said he’d known we’d been sneaking around for weeks…”

Now it was Kayleigh's turn to snort. “Did he? But John, we haven't!”

“Well, I know that! But I wasn't going to set him right, was I? He thinks I’ve been getting away with feeling you up in every cupboard in the building for weeks. I’m not going to give him the pleasure of knowing I was actually daft enough to get caught the first time!” 

Kayleigh laughed, “Good point!” 

“Anyway,” John gave a wry smile as he knew where he was going with this. “He said It’s not like it was something he hadn't done…”

Kayleigh’s eyes widened as she looked intently at at John, hooked on his every word. “But he’s married?”

“That he is…”

“Did he say who? Oh my god, who is it?” Kayleigh’s voice went up with each word as she practically bounced in her seat with intrigue. 

John waited a few beats to build the suspense and see if any names sprung to mind. When she didn't say anything else he gave in. 

“It’s Rachel.” He tore his eyes away from the road to see Kayleigh’s face and he wasn't disappointed. Her jaw fell open and her eyes were on stalks.

“Nooooooooo!” 

“Yup. He volunteered it, just like that. Said he knew the struggles of being enticed by a member of staff, and that he’d recently been indulging with a very lovely young woman who was making his work days fly by, and then he said her name.”

John knew Kayleigh would be in seventh heaven with this, and he loved seeing her reaction unfold.

“Rachel! I can’t believe that. No-one’s said anything!” she said in awe.

“Well, they’re obviously better at hiding it than we are.”

Kayleigh gave John a light slap on the arm. “I’m confused though, why did he tell you? He didn’t have to… and now you have dirt on him! That was stupid!”

John shrugged. “Tell me about it. Don’t think I haven’t realised that. Maybe he needed to unburden himself or something…”

“Boast, more like it!” 

John nodded. She was probably right. There was a tone in Dave’s voice when he’s explained his situation. And though John’d never say so publicly, he got a sense that Dave was trying to one-up him. No doubt Dave didn’t think dull old John could pull someone as stunning as Kayleigh - no matter Dave’s other opinions on her, he couldn’t deny that - so he probably wanted to make sure whatever John could do, he could do better.

“Yeah well, I did get the impression he was hoping we could be groping buddies or something…” John gagged at the very thought.

“WHAT?!” Kayleigh grabbed John’s arm.

“No! NO! Not like that!” he said rushing to reassure her. “I just mean like the gross kind of guys who hang out to talk about who’s got the best car and who’s shagging the hottest bird.”

Kayleigh sniffed haughtily. “Oh that sounds like Dave Thompson alright. Well, I hope you made it clear… you’ve spent the past few days moaning about me telling Mandy, you better not be bragging to Dave!”

“What’d you take me for?!” John exclaimed, and looked at her like she’d lost her mind. “‘Course I’m not going to do that… but I couldn’t outright tell him he’s a creep, could I? He’s let us BOTH off the hook here, so I’m going to have to play along a bit.” John hated being in debt to Dave, but a bit of pretend male bonding banter seemed a small price to pay to be able to keep his job and keep Kayleigh by his side.

Kayleigh tutted. “I suppose you’re right… in that case, you better be saying you’re shagging the hottest bird.”

“I’m not shagging anyone!” John shrugged his hand and laughed.

“And who’s fault’s that?!” Kayleigh joined in the laughter and John caught her eye in a moment’s connection that practically made his heart stop. “Two days…” Kayleigh said teasingly.

“I’m counting the minutes…” John reached over and squeezed her knee. He wished he could more but today’s events had somewhat taken the wind out of his sails. “BUT there is no way I’m taking any more chances today… I am driving you straight home before you get me in any more trouble.”

Kayleigh chuckled softly. “Okay…” 

John looked over and saw her staring out the window, playing with her hair. He shook his head silently. Three days they’d been a couple, and three days of his life turned upside down. And he couldn’t be happier. Now he just wanted time to fly, to get through all his anxiety, and just enjoy being with her, in every way.

“So,” Kayleigh suddenly pronounced turning back to look at him. “Rachel, eh? I told you she was trouble!”

“I know! I said, didn’t I?” John replied. “I knew she was trying to shag her way up the ladder… I was never interested in her…”

Kayleigh pulled a disbelieving face. “Hmmm… if you say so.”

John rolled his eyes. “She was only ever interested in me for my position.”

“Unlike me, who’s only interested in you for your body...” Kayleigh tapped John’s arm and waggled her eyebrows at him.

“I’ve told you, stop with your evil temptress ways,” John pointed a finger accusingly at her. “I’m taking you straight home.”

“Spoil sport.”

John laughed as Kayleigh attempted a suggestive wink and cracked herself up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a choice of posting one long chapter or two short ones, so I went for the latter. :D


	5. Chapter 5

By the time Thursday morning rolled around John’s happiness and relief was facing a war with rising nerves. As he went through his morning routine, three different issues cycled through a washing machine of anxiety in his mind, a rinse repeat of ‘what ifs’ and ‘oh craps’ that kept his mind thoroughly occupied while his body got on with the job of showering, dressing and breakfasting. From the second he woke up he panicked over what everyone at work was saying after their incident yesterday; then he’d stress over the fact it was Thursday, which meant seeing his mum, which meant talking about his love life and probably more ridicule from Paul; then he’d try and focus on the fact Kayleigh was worth all this, which would lead him to think about tomorrow, then his brain would be screaming I AM GOING TO HAVE SEX which would set off a chain reaction of half a dozen insecurities and anxieties around that concept… then back to the start he’d go. It was exhausting and it wasn't even 8 am.

He tried to get his mind to at least focus on one thing at a time. Work was the most pressing matter. He and Kayleigh had got distracted from the topic the day before, so she had never filled him on on her side of events. He knew how things stood with management, and that was a relief, but Dave letting them off the hook didn't have any effect on the fact that two of the biggest mouths on the planet had witnessed his indiscretion, and he had no idea what the ripples from that would be. He couldn't be so lucky to get away with such a massive cock-up without any come back. 

“So what happened with Elsie and Janine then?” was his opening gambit upon picking Kayleigh up. 

“Eh? Oh, Elsie accused Janine of sabotaging her. Said she kept sticking pies in her apron pocket. Planting evidence on Elsie to get her fired. Crazy!” Kayleigh said casually, entirely missing John’s point.

“No, I know that, I got all that from Dave Thompson. That's why they were coming into the CCTV room to review the evidence. Dave watched it back later, turns out Elsie was telling the truth!”

“I know! And he would have fired Elsie ages ago! I knew Janine was trouble when she said she’d never been inside a McDonald's… I mean, who lives like that?”

John laughed at Kayleigh’s incredulity. “Well, a vegan for a start!”

Kayleigh looked at him like he was daft. “She could have chips, John! No, I knew she wasn't right.”

John shook his head. Never in a million years would he work out how Kayleigh’s mind works. “Anyway,” he said trying to get back on track. “That’s not what I meant. I meant about you and me, what did they say?” 

He saw Kayleigh’s eyebrows shoot up as she turned to him and grinned “Oh, THAT?! First thing Elsie said was were you any good in bed, cos she thought you would be cos you’ve got big hands.”

“What!?!” John nearly choked on his own saliva and he coughed and sputtered before trying to speak again. “What’s the size of me hands got to do with it?”

Kayleigh shrugged.”I dunno… isn't that what they say though? Big hands, big… you know?”

“That’s feet isn't it?”

Kayleigh leaned over and looked down in the footwell. “Hmm and what size shoes do you wear?”

“Ten… stop it you weirdo, you’re gonna give me a complex!” Christ, size wasn't something he’d ever worried about. But he could easily start. 

Kayleigh pushed her hair away from her face and sat back up with a smirk. 

“So, what did you say?” John tried not to give away his anxiety but suspected he was on a losing wicket with that one.

“Hmm?”

“When Elsie asked… you know…” 

“Oh I said you were fantastic, obviously.” Kayleigh grinned. “I’m basing that on evidence so far… “

John couldn't suppress his smile, but also couldn't suppress the question. “So you didn't tell her we hadn't yet?” 

Kayleigh shook her head. “John! Why are you obsessed with this? Course I didn't! It’s not hers or anyone’s business when we do or don't. I only told Our Mandy cos I thought it was lovely… I’ve never had a bloke care so much about it. Most men can't get in there fast enough. I love it. Makes me feel like a teenager.” She rubbed his thigh reassuringly as she spoke.

Her words were like a balm to his nerves. He constantly doubted that she didn't understand him, that she was frustrated and disappointed, but she just kept on showing him she knew him better than himself. He flashed her smile. “Sorry…”

“Anyway, I am sure it went round the staff room faster than Usaine Bolt but it seems like it just confirmed what they had all knew was happening already, according to Elsie.” Kayleigh shrugged nonchalantly. Clearly being the topic of office gossip didn't bother her in the slightest.

“Flipping heck! So Steve thought we were at it, Dave Thompson thought we were at it, and half the staff in the store thought we were as well? All this time worrying about how it would look, waste of bloody energy!” John wasn't sure why it bothered him so much. The fact that they believed he could get Kayleigh was a compliment in itself, let alone that they gave a crap about his love life in the first place. Yet he still felt oddly humiliated by it, largely because he couldn't get over the fact his feelings for Kayleigh had apparently been so apparent. He may as well have been walking round with a flashing neon sign declaring his love. 

“You worried about it for a long time, did you?” Kayleigh was grinning at the compliment in John’s rant. “How long?”

“Long enough…” John snatched a look at her.

Kayleigh shook her head. “Look at you! You are still fretting over it, aren't you? That song you wrote me was right enough, you can't just enjoy the ride! Why does it matter so much? Your job’s safe, Dave Thompson isn't going to do anything about it.”

“It’s not just my job I’m worried about..”

“Then what is it?” Kayleigh’s voice became soft with concern, and John knew he didn't stand a chance when she sounded like that. His thoughts would come spilling out without his say so. It was like some magic power she had over him.

“How do these things always look? Like I’m a creepy old manager trying it on…” 

“You’re not old!” Kayleigh’s hand came down on her own knee with a slap, such was her strength of disagreement. 

John raised his eyebrows. “I’m waiting on “you’re not creepy, John.”

Kayleigh gave a laugh. “Well, obviously!”

“It’s just… someone like you… looking like you… with me. I know what people will think.” There. He’d said it now. He was under no illusions he was hitting well out of his league, pointing it out to Kayleigh might break the spell. Maybe she’d look at them in the mirror and see one of them looked like the reflection in a fun fair mirror and come to her senses. 

“John, you are being ridiculous!” Kayleigh admonished. “People will think exactly what Elsie said they think, that you and me have been at it for ages and we just got caught. And I was more than a willing participant… and if anyone doubts that I’ll put them straight.”

“Hmmm…” John wasn't convinced. The problem was, he knew exactly what he’d think, and it wouldn't be flattering. For Christ’s sake, it was exactly was he thought about Litchy- and he at least had a touch of the Clooney’s about him. He was more Bobby George than George Clooney. 

“Hmm what?” Kayleigh wasn't having it.

“Well, I said didn't I?!” John said in a sharper voice than he meant. “Look at you! Everyone’s going think you’re only with me cos I’m your boss, and you feel obligated!”

A muffled laugh came from Kayleigh as she buried her face in her hands in frustration. “Will you stop saying that?! You’re gorgeous!” she said when she lifted her head.

“Pffft…” There was flattery and then there was out and out lies. As if. “Alright then, how many blokes have you been out with at our place?” John was determined to prove his point, even though it was somehow digging him more into a pit of misery than before. Somewhere his ego was slow clapping this entire conversation.

“Two. And they’ve both effed off… thank God!” Kayleigh gave a gag noise at the memory.

“And how many have asked you out?”

“I don't know! John this is daft! I don't keep count! ” She exclaimed twisting round in her seat towards him.

“I’ll tell you… six!” 

“How do you know?!”

“Cos you've told me!” Yeah, and because I memorized every single guy who showed interest in you and sent them death stares for their audacity to do what I wasn't able to and pluck up the courage to ask you out. It didn't matter that Kayleigh had turned them down, he’d kept an eye on them to see if there was anything brewing with any of them. It was insane, he knew that. She’d said Lee asked her out 3 years ago, but still he’d eyed him suspiciously the few weeks since she’d mentioned it.

“Well... “ Kayleigh paused, seeming to struggle with a rebuttal. “Rachel asked you out!”

“Yeah, one person… and look at her taste in men!”

Kayleigh tried to hold back a laugh as the words came out of John’s mouth. “You are nuts! Have you never considered it might be the same for me?”

“Eh?” 

“Me, thinking about what must people think, you ending up with someone like me?”

John’s self-doubt made his ponder what she was saying. Was she agreeing with him and saying she was embarrassed to be with him? Thankfully his brain held court and paused on any further spiralling until she explained more.

“Someone like you?” he prompted.

“Yeah, ditzy, daft Kayleigh. Can't tell the difference between a lettuce and a cabbage. With sane, sensible, smart John Redmond.”

John got the picture now. Dave Thompson. Since that disastrous overheard phone conversation there was no love lost between them, and Kayleigh was depressingly on the money about Dave’s opinion of her. But John certainly wasn't going to tell her that and add fuel to that particular fire.

“Don't be daft…” he said gently.

“It’s true, John. I’m party Kayleigh, good time Kayleigh, fine to have a laugh with but not someone you’d ever consider settling down with.”

Just hearing Kayleigh describe herself like that made John’s heart ache. He couldn't imagine any lovelier future than settling down with Kayleigh. Not that it was something he was ready to say out loud, for Christ’s sake he still had hold of some of his sense. No point putting the cart before the horse. But still… he didn't want her to think that way about herself.

He settled on “That’s not true…” as a safe expression of support without shooting his load, emotionally speaking.

Kayleigh gave him a look. “Well, you can't deny it’s been true so far, can you?” She held up her hands as if to show the lack of men around her. “I’ve never even lived with anyone. Never got the offer…twenty years of dating, and the closest I came was Joe letting me keep a bag of stuff at his place… and we know that had an ulterior motive so it doesn't count…”

“Joe?”

“The drug dealer…”

“Oh right…”

“See, John? Everyone has insecurities. Probably everybody thinks they’re not good enough for their other half in one way or other.” Kayleigh looked at him earnestly as she spoke, and John wanted to believe her.

“I just…” He sighed and started again. “I just don't want people thinking I’m pressuring you, cos obviously you’d only be interested in me cos of my position.” 

Kayleigh shook her head again. “Hello?! In case you hadn't noticed, I am interested… and it certainly isn't cos you’re management. If that was what I was interested in I’d be the one greasing up to Dave Thompson…” She did another gag at the mere mention of his name. “I’m interested in you cos I think you’re gorgeous.”

“Huh well you’re the only one…” The line came out of his mouth on pure instinct. He was stuck in a groove of self-doubt and insecurity, going round and round and round. Thankfully Kayleigh stepped in. She leaned across and rested her chin on his shoulder, until John could feel her warm breath on his ear.

“Shut up,” she whispered in a staccato voice, before starting to sing. “Because you’re gorgeous, I’d do anything for you…. Because you’re gorgeous…”

John couldn't help but laugh as she carried on the song at full volume, despite the fact Dolly Parton’s 9 to 5 was providing a challenging backing track as it emanated from Forever FM. 

 

In the end, Kayleigh was right. The response from the staff in the store wasn’t at all what John feared it would be. The reaction of the men in the store was fairly typical, lots of sniggering and plenty of “wayhey”s with added fist pumps of approval, particularly from the younger guys in the warehouse. But it was the female half of the staff that surprised John most. It was their ire he feared, expecting to draw dirty looks and tuts of dissaproval. But as he went about the morning’s business, he was met with smiles, flirtatious winks and giggles galore. Bloody typical that it takes getting a girlfriend to have women look at you twice! Not that he was interested in any of them, not before, and CERTAINLY not now, but it definitely made for a pleasant working atmosphere. He was greeted with “yes, Mr Redmond”s and knowing grins, instead of eyerolls and complaints, everywhere he went. He practically skipped into his office at 11am for another meeting with Dave Thompson on the subject of what to do with Janine - the thought of facing Janine not even a ripple in John’s happy bubble. 

His mood was so good, he thought it needed to be celebrated. Before the meeting got underway he sent Kayleigh a text, telling her to pick up a couple of sandwiches and they’d go someplace for lunch. Someplace they couldn’t be interrupted. Kayleigh replied with a series of emoji he took to mean she approved.

Inevitably an hour playing good-cop to Dave’s dick-cop did manage to dull the shine on his day. But with everyone settling on a final warning for Janine; Janine being moved to a position as far from Elsie as humanly possible; and an utterly futile promise from her not to mention to anyone what was and wasn't going on in the CCTV room, they all left with their dignity fairly intake. 

By the time lunchtime rolled round, he’d happily put number one of his anxiety checklist behind him, and was now going full throttle into excitement for number three. His date with Kayleigh was looking ever nearer and he was about to have a taster… an appetizer for the main course. It was certainly better than his usual lunch hours, eating at his desk and listening to Kath’s latest teenage offspring dramas. 

He went looking for Kayleigh, happy in the knowledge they didn't have to make excuses for meeting up, or hide in corridors or CCTV rooms for that matter. He found her, as he had before, in the breakroom standing at her locker chatting to Roisin. 

A couple of wolf whistles heralded his entrance to the room, causing an outbreak of laughter and Kayleigh to spin round grinning at him. John held up his hands to halt the onslaught. 

“Aye, aye, just remember who’s got performance appraisals coming up soon...” he said good humouredly.

“From what I hear, you got top marks on yours Mr Redmond,” Pamela said from her seat in the corner, resulting in more guffaws all round, and the blood rushing to John’s cheeks.

He looked to Kayleigh who had raised her eyebrows and had “see?!” written all over her face. 

“You ready?” He nodded his head to her as she turned back to her locker and reached inside, while the rest of the room turned their attention back to whatever was keeping them occupied before he’d made his grand entrance. 

“Yeah, hang on, hold these…” Kayleigh handed him two bottles of water, while she pulled her bag and jacket from her locker. 

“Flippin' heck, I just said a sandwich, did you clear the shelf?” he said on seeing the overspilling contents of her bag.

“Well, I wasn't sure if you’d want a baguette, or a wrap, or a proper sandwich.” She held each up to demonstrate as she spoke, juggling them somewhat unsuccessfully against her chest in order not to drop them, or her bag. 

John could only shake his head as he grabbed the BLT heading for the floor. “Anyway, I had hoped we could sit out someplace but it’s chucking it down so we’ll just have to stay in the car…” 

Kayleigh managed to hold her belongings against herself with one arm and shut her locker as John walked back and held open the break room door for her. “Well, that’s fine, John, but I’ve told you I can't handle anymore than three orgasms, I’ve still got to be able to stand all afternoon,” she said as she strode past him and out into the corridor. 

John’s jaw dropped and he was sure his heart actually stopped beating. He glanced back into the room, and saw that thankfully most of its occupants were absorbed in their own business, but a couple of faces were turned his way and a couple more were trying unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh. He couldn't close the door fast enough.

By the time he’d regained the use of his legs and got his heart into some kind of rhythm, Kayleigh was standing at the outside door readying her umbrella for the weather outside.

“Are you off your head?!” he exclaimed as he drew up to her.

“What?” Kayleigh feigned innocence. At least John assumed she was feigning it. He was sure she knew exactly what she had been doing.

“What’d you say that for? Jesus Christ!” 

“Oh John, you know they were earwigging, I just thought I’d give them something to chew on. If we’re going to be talk of the shop, might as well make it good.”

“Being caught in the CCTV room in flagrante delicto wasn't good enough?!”

“In what?” Kayleigh looked as baffled as John was outraged. “We weren't anywhere near the deli.”

“Not deli, in flagrante delicto… at it!” John explained, subtly.

“No, well, you were so worried this morning that people would think you were forcing yourself on me or something, I just wanted to make sure they knew I was perfectly…” she paused and cocked a half-grin “...satisfied with the situation.”

John buried his face in his hands. “You couldn't have just said that?! Have you never heard of the middle ground?! It's always bloody zero to 100 with you!”

Kayleigh just shrugged at his panic. “Come on then, we going or what? Don't want to spend all lunch break standing here.” She smiled in a way that told John there was no point in carrying on his outrage, the deed was done and Kayleigh wouldn't be shamed or cajoled into regret. God he hated that about her… and he loved that about her.

“I dunno, I’ll never understand the way your brain works...” John said as he reached past Kayleigh and pushed the fire door open for her. 

“Yes, you will John… give it 20 years or so…” Kayleigh said as she popped her umbrella and held it above both their heads.

“If I don't have a coronary first…” John ducked under the umbrella as they both made a dash for the car. 

 

Sitting inside the car with the rain beating relentlessly on the roof was hardly the picnic lunch John had envisaged, but the view from the reservoir car park was certainly nicer than the concrete jungle at work. They polished off most of the sandwiches… well, okay he had, but Kayleigh had made short work of the wrap and were both now sipping their brews from the drive-thru as the conversation ranged from one topic to another without pause. That was what he loved most. He’d worried about it so much, when Kayleigh had said what she did, and then when he had finally got his arse in gear and said it back. He’d had this fear of how everything would change, that somehow their relationship would instantly morph into something different and domestic and dull. But dull certainly wasn't a word that could describe his week so far. And the time they spent alone together… when their lips weren't otherwise occupied… had been as easy and lively and wonderful as ever. If anything, the conversation flowed even more freely now he wasn't afraid of what he might reveal about himself. Now he wanted to share everything he had ever thought with her, and she seemed to feel the same. It was a new sensation that he hadn't seen coming, much like everything else about their relationship.

“So, have you decided what you’re wearing tomorrow?” Kayleigh asked, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

“Eh? Uh… yeah….yeah.” John was caught off guard with that one. It wasn't exactly a hard decision. Although Il Divo didn't have a strict tie policy, it was still a pretty swanky restaurant. And he had exactly two non-work suits to his name. A black one for funerals, and a grey shiny one he’d bought in a fit of trying to be “trendy” near the end of his relationship with Charlotte. She hadn't been impressed with it, but he liked it. The bloke in the shop said it was an Italian cut, whatever that meant and would be “flattering for sir”. Well, for the price, it bloody better be. It had had a couple of run outs, once for the family do it was bought for, and once for a disastrous blind date Paul had set him up on. It would do the job. He assumed it still fit… and reminded himself to try it on as soon as he got home. There was always late night shopping on a Thursday if it didn't. 

Ah, shit, Thursday. His number two worry had slipped from his mind and it came hurtling back. He was going round to his Mum’s for tea to face more embarrassment from her and Paul and God knows who else. He could live another 100 years and happily never talk to his mother about his love life, but it had to be done.

“I think I’ve decided.” Kayleigh’s words interrupted John’s thoughts, and he could tell instantly she’d asked him purely so he’d ask her. He’d dropped the ball on that one.

“Oh yeah? You gonna put Kim Kardashian to shame are you?” John gave her a wink to make up for his poor showing so far in the fashion interest stakes.

“You trying to say I’ve got a big arse?”

John rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to mount a defence when Kayleigh broke into a grin.

“I’m teasing you…” she said touching his arm. “No, but I decided... I’m going to wear trousers, is that okay?”

John shrugged. “Why wouldn't it be? Wear want you want.”

“Yeah but it’s our first proper date, did you not expect me to wear a dress?”

This line of questioning was like juggling jelly for John. He had no idea exactly what he was meant to be saying. Did she want him to say what he wanted her to wear? Would she be angry if he said yes… or no? He stuck with the truth and crossed his fingers it wouldn't land him in hot water.

“I didn't expect anything. I’m not bothered what you wear, you could wear anything… I mean I still fancied you in a beard, so…”

From Kayleigh’s face, he knew he’d hit a home run. She visibly melted in front of him.

“Did you?” she grinned.

He nodded and felt suddenly bashful. However open things were between them now, he still always felt oddly guilty about admitting how long his feelings for her had been going on, and that specific night was a particularly embarrassing memory. Knowing how close they came to having all of this without the drama, but knowing how much he pretended it hadn't happened, was a shame inducing thought for him. He also wasn't entirely sure how much she’d remembered. Thankfully she didn't press the topic further.

“Well, as long as you don't mind… I mean you see me in a skirt everyday anyway, you’ll be bored of my ankles....” She raised her feet in the footwell and wiggled her ankles regarding them herself like she’d never looked at them before.

“Well, I wouldn't say that…” John interrupted, but she carried on regardless.

“Plus there’s the issue of what to wear under a dress… no one looks sexy in tights, John… so that leaves stockings… and that just seems a bit try hard, in your face sexiness…”

John barely contained a snort. There was no such thing as sexiness that was too in your face. But Jesus Mother of God did she have to be so filterless? Creating all these visuals in his head that he did not need. He had been trying very, very hard not to think of these kind of things, to picture her… in those ways... yet. And she was rattling them off like she was discussing which brand of ketchup was better. 

“... and you’ve got to worry about, if you’re sitting down, and the dress rides up, you can see the tops. I don't want to look slutty in a place like that…”

“It’s fine!” John exclaimed a tad too aggressively, holding his hand out to cease her train of thought, the last visual she’d created in his mind was almost too much for him to bear. “Trousers are fine. Honestly. I’m sure you’ll look lovely.”

Kayleigh seemed to relax and took a sip of her tea, while John did the same and tried to get his mind out of the gutter where her words had been dragging it. 

“Oh, that reminds me,” she said. “Are you remembering that you’re not taking me home tonight?”

“Am I not?”

“No, remember, I told you yesterday, I’m going into town to see my friend Lisa, she has a salon?”

Frankly, John had zero memory of any of that but went with the flow. “Ah right, yeah… getting your hair done…”

Kayleigh gave a light laugh. “Oh, John, honestly you men have it so easy… all you do is shower, shit and shave, and if we’re lucky, brush your teeth…”

John pulled a face, what was she on about now?

“While women have to pluck and bleach and wax and exfoliate and moisturize, and that's before you even think about make-up…” she continued.

John suddenly felt the need to defend his gender, though he still wasn't following exactly how this train of conversation had arrived at this particular destination - though that was a common happening with Kayleigh. “It’s not that easy for a man, you know! We’ve got to shave every single day. That’s a right pain the hoop!”

Kayleigh shook her head disapprovingly. “All you have to shave is your face! There isn't a single part of my body I don't have to remove hair from!”

John tried hard not to cast his eyes over her body at that. “Well, at least you don't have to worry about it growing out your ears…” he mumbled.

Kayleigh smiled. “That’s true, I suppose… anyway,” she said seeming to have exhausted her outrage, “I’m not going to get my hair done.” She gave John a wink and he finally caught the train of thought and felt himself become warm again. This kind of talk was not helpful to keeping his nerves about tomorrow at bay.

“It’s fine, anyway, suits me cos I’m going to me Mum’s for tea, so I need to be back sharpish,” he said, changing topic to one guaranteed to kill off any lascivious thoughts.

“Oh yeah... are you going to tell her what happened?” 

“I suppose I’d better…”

“Cheek!” Kayleigh slapped his arm at the insinuation.

“I didn't mean cos of you…” John waved his hand about, alarmed he’d vaguely insulted Kayleigh. “I mean, I just hate talking to my mother about anything like this. Christ, it’s so embarrassing.” He was a grown man but as soon as the topic of love or sex came up he felt like a 14 year old watching Basic Instinct with his parents. 

“Why?! Your mum’s lovely!” Kayleigh exclaimed. “I found her dead easy to talk to…”

“I bet you bloody did! You never did tell me what you two talked about? I keep forgetting you’ve already met…” It made him slightly uncomfortable to think that his own mother may know more about Kayleigh’s feelings than he had. It made him even more uncomfortable to ponder what his mum had said to Kayleigh about him. I mean, it wasn't like he’s confided in her or anything, so surely there wouldn't be much to tell? 

“I told you, not much. I just told her we’d fallen out, and how I felt and she said I should talk to you properly, that was all…”

“Hmmm.” John was far from convinced. Two of the women with the biggest gobs he knew, left to their own devices. He could only imagine what had gone on, and that was part of his discomfort about seeing his mum. The thought of what might have been said without his knowledge set him on edge. But it was obvious Kayleigh wasn't going to say any more, so he’d have to face his mum blind sighted. “Well, at least we don't have to worry about the whole “when to introduce you to my mum” palava.” 

Kayleigh gave a laugh. “Yeah well, hold don't hold your breath waiting on that invite from me...” She screwed her face up as if she’d smelt something unpleasant.

Kayleigh didn't talk much about her mum, and what she did say wasn't flattering. “You not seen her recently?” He thought it was a safe entry into the conversation, but Kayleigh rolled her eyes instantly.

“No, she’s all loved up with Dave or Dan or someone… If I took you round she’d only try to feel you up under the table anyway.” The disdain came off her in waves.

“She can’t be that bad?”

Kayleigh shrugged and looked out the window at the rain. “Maybe… but she’s more interested in going out partying than spending time with her grandkids, so I doubt she’d bother herself with taking time to meet you.”

John frowned, and suddenly made a connection with what she’d said earlier. Good time Kayleigh, party Kayleigh. That was why it bothered her so much that Dave Thompson thought of her like that. She hated the idea of being like her mum. It all clicked into place. 

He reached across the seat and took her hand, interlacing her fingers with his. The move seemed to surprise Kayleigh and she jumped slightly before turning to face him with a full grin. He smiled warmly back and squeezed her hand.

“It doesn't matter anyway,” he said. “I’ve got all the Kitson woman I can handle right here.” 

Kayleigh seemed grateful to be off the topic of her mother and he felt her relax. “Ooh and you have to meet Our Mandy first anyway. She’ll put you through your paces.”

“Aye, I can imagine.”

They sat in companionable silence holding hands and listening to the rain for a few moments, before Kayleigh finally put her empty cup in the door and smoothed down her hair. “So, am I getting a snog before I reapply my lippy, or what?” she teased.

Well, John wasn't one to disappoint a lady, was he?


	6. Chapter 6

“This time tomorrow…” Kayleigh said, undoing her seatbelt as they pulled up outside the precinct where Lisa had her salon. It was close enough on his journey home that John had insisted on dropping Kayleigh off before heading to his mum’s. 

“What?” 

“Well, almost this time tomorrow…”

John suddenly caught on. This time tomorrow he’d be setting off to pick her up for their date. He felt like it was now “THE DATE” all in caps, sign-posted across his mind in neon. “Oh yeah… this time tomorrow I’ll be reassuring my bank that me credit cards not been cloned I’m just taking my girlfriend out for a meal.”

Kayleigh rolled her eyes. “You chose it. I’d be just as happy at Nandos.”

“Now you tell me!” 

“Well, it was your idea. You didn't have to insist on a posh date... you didn't have to insist on a proper date at all, I didn't mind…”

“Aye well, I can imagine the earache I’d get if I didn't take you out…” As soon as the words left John’s mouth he regretted them, as he noticed the little crease in Kayleigh’s forehead deepened. 

“I thought you asked me out cos you wanted to…”

“I did!” John protested and instantly knew where he’d wrong.

“You didn't do it just to make me happy? This is what you want isn’t it?” Kayleigh’s voice was suddenly serious and unsure, and it made John want to put the car in reverse and take them back five minutes.

“Of course it is. I was just joking…” Just joking. He’d got way too used to just joking. Just joking that women were more trouble than they were worth. Just joking that he never felt hurt or rejected or lonely. 

Kayleigh looked down, still frowning. “Okay, if you’re sure? I just don't want this to be cos I’ve pressured you into something…”

“Didn't we have this conversation this morning? Maybe we should swap seats again?” John kept his voice light and smiled, hoping Kayleigh would catch the mood. She raised her eyebrows but didn't look at him. “And I don't remember you pinning me down in that CCTV office…” he tried again. That finally raised a smile and she looked at him with the light back in her eyes.

“Maybe we should both stop worrying and just enjoy this?” she said, placing her hand on top of his.

“That’d be nice!” John laughed. Telling him to stop worrying was as useful as telling him to stop breathing, but he really did wish he could relax and just enjoy every moment of this, instead of eating through his stomach lining one day at a time.

“Okay…” Kayleigh removed her hand and gathered her bag. “I better go, don't want to keep Lisa waiting.” 

“Okay, well have fun!” 

Kayleigh screwed up her face. “I am not going to be having fun. I’m going to be having torture, in the name of beauty… so you better appreciate it!” She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

“I’m sure I will…” John caught her arm and pulled her in for another kiss. He felt her smile against him before she pulled away. 

“So are you going to tell your mum we’re courting tonight then?” She put heavy emphasis on the word courting. 

John gave her an exasperated look. “Jesus, you still going on about that? It’s a perfectly normal phrase to use.”

“In 1956 maybe… It’s the 21st century, John, catch up!” Kayleigh grinned, as she reached for the door handle. “Well tell your mum I said hi, anyway.” 

“Oh I will!” John called, just as the car door slammed shut and Kayleigh gave him a wave through the window. He watched her walk away, remembering less than a week ago how she walked away under very different circumstances. Things had changed so radically in a few days, he hoped he could keep up with it.

Kayleigh was right about that at least. He was a man slow to move with the times. He loathed change, and clung to comforts far longer than he should. He knew it, yet so often seemed completely unable to do anything about it. 

Like the way he kept joking about things, playing down how much he cared, how much it all meant to him; how much Kayleigh meant to him. He’d got so used to living the trope - the Northern repressed man; rolling his eyes at his demanding woman, every moment in her presence a chore. He’d slipped comfortably into that role with Charlotte, because that was exactly how he felt.

He’d thought that was how it was meant to feel for men - a bit bored in women’s company, dying for time alone, and not interested in the hearts and flowers life they seemed to crave. He thought that was maybe just the way it was meant to be. Until he’d talked to his dad.

That conversation had been embarrassing in a whole host of ways but one of them was the fact he’d never paid attention to his own parents’ marriage. Talking to his dad about how he felt about Charlotte, and how lonely and disconnected he’d become, and asking his dad how he coped hadn't brought him the answers he’d expected. His dad lovingly but firmly told him that wasn't “normal”; that wasn't love; and it certainly wasn't marriage, or at least shouldn't be. He’d never thought about how his parents felt for each other, beyond the tolerance, and the eye rolling, and the sitting in silence. He’d never taken notice of the rest of it - the hand-holding, the easy conversation, the laughter. 

It all came into even sharper focus the longer his dad was ill. Suddenly he looked at them, holding hands over a hospital bed, and he could see how much their love was getting them through all this. He felt ashamed for thinking what he and Charlotte had was fit for marriage. Never in a million years. A stiff breeze would have blown them apart, if they had got that far.

And now there was Kayleigh. Kayleigh was different. Kayleigh was the exception - to everything. And he was scared he couldn't stop being who he was with Charlotte. 

Every time he made a stupid joke about doing it all for Kayleigh’s sake, about being fed up or bored or cajoled… every time he could kick himself, but he couldn't seem to stop himself doing it. 

And something else he couldn't stop himself doing, was thinking back to the weekend, to Kayleigh showing up, covered in slush and putting her heart on the line - again. And he couldn't stop asking himself - if she hadn't turned up, would he ever have told her?

Sure he’d written that song, but he had never intended for Kayleigh to hear it. He could sing it to hundreds of strangers, but he hadn’t planned to sing it to her. If she hadn't made the move, he didn't know how long he would have brooded in his little bubble of protection. He could have let her walk away for good. He wanted to believe he would have done something to win her back, but going on past evidence he wasn't so sure he would have. 

And it was nothing to do with how much he felt for her. Quite the opposite. Dear God, if there was one thing he was sure of, it was the depth of his feelings for her. And that was exactly what had stymied him. He was scared of failing - scared of failing at being in a relationship and scared of failing her. Essentially, he admitted to himself, he was so scared of fucking it up that he had been afraid to even begin it. And though he was over that first hurdle - and the rewards were incredible- that fear was still there.

All of this ran over and around his mind on the short journey to his mum’s. Not for the first time he wished his dad was still here to talk to. He was struggling with who to turn to for relationship advice and the fact he’d considered Litchy a prime candidate, showed the depths of the barrel he was scraping. He couldn't ask Paul - they’d never been close in that sense, and he'd likely just take the piss. Same went double for Jim. They were hardly in touch with their feelings, any of them.

John sighed as he pulled up outside his mum’s house. He psyched himself up for the ribbing, for the embarrassment. As he opened the front door and shouted hello, he kicked off his shoes and hung his jacket on a hook on the wall. It was the same thing he’d done since they’d moved to that house in 1985. All he needed was to hang his school bag on the banister at the bottom of the stairs and he’d be thirteen again.

He suddenly remembered how the news of his first girlfriend had been broken to his parents. Paul, getting a bollocking for a bad report card, had tried to sidetrack the attention by blurting out “Our John’s got a girlfriend. I saw them snogging outside the shop!” At the time it was the most excruciatingly embarrassing moment of John’s life, but now he kind of wished Paul could do the job for him again. At least then he wouldn't have to actually say the words, because honestly at very almost 40 could you really say you had a “girlfriend”? It sounded like he’d hung around the school gates waiting to pick one up.

“Hiya, in here!” his mum called from the kitchen.

John popped his head round the living room door and was surprised not to see his Nana sitting in her usual spot on the sofa.

“Alright?” He greeted his mum with a kiss on the cheek, while she ran a colander of veg under the cold tap. “Where’s Nana?”

“Oh, she’s not coming today…”

“She’s not poorly is she?” 

“No.” Theresa turned the tap off and shook the colander vigorously. “She’s fine. Her neighbour Jack’s grandkids are over from Australia. She’s knitted some stuff for the baby, so wanted to give it them in person.”

“Wanted a nosey, more like!” John opened the fridge more out of habit than anything else, but pulled out the milk anyway. 

Theresa gave a laugh. “Oh absolutely.” She nudged John out the way and got some chicken out the fridge. “So, you alright?”

John crossed the kitchen away from her, got a glass from the cabinet and poured himself a drink. “Yeah, fine.” He was aware he was avoiding her gaze and already felt his cheeks warming. He wished he could just stick his head in the fridge and tell her from there. “What we having?” he said instead.

“Well seeing as your Nana's not here, I thought we’d go mad and have fajitas.”

“Oh aye, yeah, cracking....” John turned his back and closed his eyes for a moment. For God’s sake, just say it. “Anything I can do?” 

“Cut up these onions and peppers would you?” Theresa plonked the veg and a knife in front of him on the kitchen table.

John sat down at the kitchen table and set to work, the rhythmic noise of the knife the only sound in the room as his mum moved about from counter to cupboard to cooker behind him. He could have put his knife to better use cutting the tension in the room.

“So…” Theresa began, her voice falsely casual. “Did your friend catch up with you on Sunday? Kayleigh, was it?”

John nearly snorted. She knew perfectly well her name, but he recognised this was his mum doing her best not to go down her usual Gestapo-esque questioning routine. He played along with the casual tone.

“Yeah, yeah she did. Thanks for directing her.”

“No problemo.”

John couldn't control that one and snorted loudly. 

“What’s so funny?” Theresa whipped round to look at him, as John twisted in his seat.

“No problemo?” he laughed as Theresa sagged.

“Alright, alright, smart-arse! I’m trying to be considerate, but balls to it, you’re just going to sit there saying nowt. What happened? That poor girl was in a right state. She thought I was Charlotte!”

John almost fell out of his seat. “Why?!”

“Well, I don't know! Maybe cos you’ve never told her anything-”

“I've told her loads! She knows me and Charlotte split up years ago!”

“Well, you clearly didn't tell her enough or she wouldn't have turned ghostly soon as she saw me making myself at home in your kitchen.” Theresa waved a frying pan around as she talked.

“I didn't know she was going to turn up, did I?” 

“You never told me she lives in Bury! BURY!”

“Why would I?” John was baffled what his sins exactly were meant to be.

“And then me saying she was your girlfriend, and she wasn't! That was mortifying.”

John waved his knife in response. “Well that’s not my fault! I never said she was!”

“I didn't come down in the last shower, John! I knew soon as you started mentioning her, there was something going on - you never tell me about anyone voluntarily! I knew she was different! Especially when I found out you’d been driving all the way to Bury every day, just to pick her up. But you never said owt.”

“Well… I didn't have reason to, did I?”

“No!” Theresa exclaimed. “You didn't cos you never tell anyone anything, including her! So she turns up here in tears, not knowing if she’s coming or going. Poor lass…”

John opened his mouth to protest but his mother ranted on.

“Lovely girl like that tells you she loves you and you just sit there like a lemon! Useless, honestly. Your dad would be so upset-”

Her words were like a knife slicing ice cold through John’s stomach. The thought of his dad being even the slightest disappointed in him made him crumble inside. There was no insult she could throw that would hurt any more than that. “Mum…” 

Theresa looked at John’s face and seemed to notice the change from indignant to devastated. She frowned and slammed the frying pan down on the cooker. “See, now?! I told her I was no good at this stuff…”

“Who?” John asked quietly, turning his head away so he didn’t have to see his mum’s reaction to the hurt she’d caused. 

“Kayleigh. I told her… I said, I’m no good with emotions. I get too carried away. Your father was forever telling me ‘tone it down, you’ll get nowhere barking at him’.” 

The anger had completely gone from her voice, and she just sounded tired now. She let out an exaggerated sigh. “I wish he was the one talking to you about this…” 

“So, do I.” John struggled to get the words out, his throat tight with emotion. 

His mum walked over to him, and resting her hands on his shoulders, placed a kiss on the crown of his head. “Sorry, love,” she said quietly.

She sat down hard in the chair round the other side of the table, and rested her chin in her hand, her elbow propped up on the table top. “Well, well, well…” she sighed.

“Three holes in the ground.” Finishing the much repeated phrase so beloved by his dad made them both smile and the air settled around them.

“So, what happened in the end then?” Theresa said, fixing him in a sympathetic stare.

John shrugged. “We talked and sorted it out.” He decided to skip the specifics, that “sorting it out” meant coming close to sorting him out on his sofa on Sunday evening after spending a couple of hours with his tongue down her throat. It seemed unnecessary detail.

“Oh, well, that’s good,” his mum said in a tone that told John that was nowhere near enough information.

“I’m taking her out tomorrow… for a meal. Il Divo.” 

His mum’s face lit up at this specifics, and John couldn't help but smile himself - both at his mum’s reaction and the reminder of what lay ahead tomorrow.

“Ooh fancy! Getting out the best China, eh? Good. I’m glad.”

John looked bashful, the old feelings of embarrassment coming back now the aggravation was gone. 

“She seems nice…” his mum continued.

A smile creased John’s face. He had many descriptive words for Kayleigh - insane, infuriating, exuberant, clumsy, wonderful - but “nice” was never one that came to mind. 

“She makes you happy, so this the start of something big, you think?” His mum continued, while she fiddled with the table mat in front of her, seeming to find this line of talk as awkward as John did. They had both been more comfortable waving kitchen implements at each other. It was certainly more familiar territory than this kind of topic.

“Yeah, maybe.” John paused, it was now or never. His mother wasn't his ideal choice to talk his worries over, but she was interested and she wasn’t a Neanderthal - which was more than could be said for others. He needed to get his fears out, his insecurities and worries were gnawing at what should be a thrilling time. “It’s… I don’t know-”

Theresa sat bolt upright and looked horrified. “You don’t know? You’re not sure-”

“No! That's not what I was about to say! I don't know if-”

She cut him off again before he could explain about his fears. “Listen, if you’re not sure what you feel for this girl, don't go stringing her along!”

“I’m not…” John tried and failed again to derail his mother from her train of thought.

“Because let me tell you, she is head over heels for you and if you take her to some fancy restaurant to let her down, you’re a cad!”

John scoffed. “A cad?! Who says that in the 21st century? Cad?!”

“I’m serious! She deserves to know up front. If you don't have feelings for her-”

“I do.”

“-you need to be a man and tell-”

“Very much.”

“Oh.” 

John’s quiet sincerity finally cut through her indignation.

Theresa slumped in her chair again. “So what don't you know then?”

John resisted the urge to roll his eyes now she was finally giving him room to talk. Last thing he needed was to set a fire under her again. “It’s just… I don’t know how… what if it all goes wrong?”

His mum shrugged. “So what if it does? These things happen.”

“Yeah but after Charlotte and everything… what if I’ve got it wrong again? What if SHE’S got it wrong? What if I mess it up in one of any other 3 millions ways? I just don’t know if it’s… if I can go through all that again.” There. He’d said it. The worries that had been squatting in his brain for weeks were out there. Crystal clear. 

Predictably, his mum laughed.

“Oh John, God love you, this is you all over.”

“What?!” Despite the fact he’d seen the laughter coming, he didn't see this response in his mum-clairvoyance. 

“You’ve always been the same, since you were a lad. The more you want something, the more afraid you are to go after it. It’s exactly what happened with music college.” She shook her head pityingly at him.

“No it weren’t, I couldn't go cos of money. It weren't cos I was afraid…” Even as the words left his mouth there was a part of his brain giving him a hard stare.

Theresa gave a chuckle. “Love, that was 20-odd years ago. You could have gone 5 times over since then. Hell, you could have gone then. You could have worked part time or something, we would have worked it out.”

John thought back to the discussions they’d had, his mum, dad and him, looking at brochures and discussing fees and grants and loans. He remembered the dark pit in his stomach every time they’d talked about it.

“I didn't want to burden you with the cost. I knew things were tight.”

“We’d have managed…” Theresa eyed him thoughtfully. “Did you never think about why you didn't apply another year?”

John shrugged. Truthfully, he really hadn't. What he’d said to Kayleigh was how he saw it. Life, work, they both just got in the way and put him on a treadmill. He hadn't thought much past the odd fleeting regret. He hadn't even contemplated it when Kayleigh asked about regrets in life. “I just thought it weren't meant to be.”

His Mum leaned forward and looked at him more intently. “It wasn't meant to be cos you were so afraid to try for it. You’re afraid to reach for the shiny gold ring in case you miss and land on your arse. You think it’s easier to just be bored than heart broken.”

“No, it’s not like that…” Even John knew his defense was half-hearted.

“That's what it was with Charlotte though? She was a safe option. You didn't feel too much for her so you thought it was a safe bet. If it went wrong at least you wouldn't be too hurt.”

John was indignant now. She made him sound calculating. He’d never thought about Charlotte that way. He honestly thought he loved her, for a while at least. “It wasn't like that! And anyway, I did get hurt, didn't I?”

“Aye, well then? What did that teach you? You can't avoid getting hurt. You just end up in a right mess, or hurting someone else…” his mum said, frowning.

John’s mind immediately went to Kayleigh and watching her walk away from him almost a week ago, his stomach in his mouth at the thought of her tears. He didn't want to do that to her. Never again. “Yeah but that’s it, Mum. How can I avoid hurting her? I’ll mess it up, and the further down the line it is, the more it’ll hurt her. And me.”

He suddenly felt about 7. He had memories from another house of falling and skinning his knee. His mum had held him on her lap as he cried, while she lovingly put a plaster on his injury and kissed the side of his face, then blew raspberries on his neck until his tears turned to laughter. When he looked up at her now, he saw the same softness in her face. It was a rarity to see it shine through her sharp features.

“John, it’s too late for that. The way she was when she was at yours… she’s too far gone not to be hurt. And I have a feeling you are too. If you back away now all you’re doing is depriving yourself of a chance at happiness…” She reached forward and squeezed his hand in both of hers. She looked at their joined hands then suddenly tilted her head. “Maybe that’s it. Maybe you’re not afraid of it all going wrong… maybe what you’re afraid of is happiness.” She looked up at him and searched his face, and John felt tears sting his eyes.

He pursed his lips to say something but nothing came.

“Maybe all this time you’ve been afraid to be really, truly happy.” Her voice cracked a little. “Don't, John, please don't. Cos that's the one thing I can say for sure your dad would have wanted. He wanted you to be happy. Not just rumbling along, getting by. He wanted you and your brother to be as happy as humanly possible.”

Her steely eyes locked with John's as if she was psychically drilling it into him. John’s eyes filled with tears. It was all too much - his dad, his mum, Kayleigh. Every emotional string he had was being tugged, and he knew his mum was right. Failure, oh he’d dealt with that alright. But happiness? Total bliss? He didn't realise he’d been keeping it at arms length for so long. Even this week, even with Kayleigh, he knew he was still hovering near the door, ready to bolt.

As if she was actually reading his mind, his mum spoke again. “Don't be in a relationship with one foot out the door, that's the quickest way to put the kibosh on it. If you’re going to do it, give it real welly…”

John burst into a gasping laugh. What a way with words. His mum laughed too and shook her head. 

“Okay, okay, look I’m trying…” she said as she let go his hand.

“Give it some welly! I bet Shakespeare’s kicking himself he didn’t think of that for Romeo and Juliet!” John smiled and sniffed away the tears that he’d managed to mostly keep control of.

His mum slapped his hand lightly. “Look, I’m not your dad, never pretended I was good with words. Maybe I don't know exactly what he’d say… but I can tell you what I’d say. She’s in love with you, she told me so. And you….?” She paused clearly waiting to prompt him to say he loved Kayleigh but, emotional as he was, he held onto that and played dumb. “Well, you have feelings for her…” she compromised. “So, all I have to say is, You’re not getting any younger, and I don't see Kylie Minogue moving to Bolton… so what are you waiting for? Why are you fannying about?”

Her choice of words made John laugh again. He’d always sworn he was most like his dad, but that was really only in looks. Truth be told, he knew he’d got most of what he called a personality from her. 

Theresa stood up and took the plate of chopped veg with her. “I never claimed I was a poet, but I’m right… and you know it!” She pointed the knife at John and smiled, before going over to the cooker and lighting the gas. 

Just as she did, the sound of the front door opening made them both turn to the door as Paul shouted his hello. 

Crap. Here we go. John took a deep breath and gave his eyes a quick swipe with the heel of his hand. Time to prepare himself for the Chuckle Brother, and let him rip his fledgling relationship apart. 

“Alright? No Nana?” Paul said as he appeared in the kitchen doorway.

“No, “ Theresa said as she scraped the veg into the frying pan, then turned swiftly towards her son. She paced towards Paul, pointing at him with her knife. “And now, you listen, before you even start…”

Paul held his hand up in surrender and made eye contact with John, as if to say “what’s with her”. John kept his face neutral as he could.

“Your brother’s got himself a new girlfriend,” she continued, waving the knife towards John then back again to Paul, “and I don't want to hear you giving him any stick about it, or taking the piss…”

Paul too opened his mouth to protest but, as with John, Theresa railroaded right over it. 

“And don't give me any of that crap, cos you know you would. You leave him be. She’s a lovely girl, and I don't want you making it harder than it is for her to come into this family. So shut it, you hear?”

Paul gave a salute. “Yes ma’am.” 

He smirked at John and gave a nod towards their mum as she turned back to the cooker.

“Good, cos I’d like to have the chance of more grandkids before I kick the bucket.” She finally seemed satisfied and concentrated her efforts on the pans in front of her. 

“Okay… okay!” Paul slid into a seat at the table, his hands still raised in surrender. “So… blonde or brunette?” He said after only a beat. He clearly couldn't help himself. 

John was determined not to let it get to him. “Redhead,” he said plainly, then picked up his glass to take a drink.

Paul made an approving face. “Nice… so, what’s for tea?”

And, right enough, that was the end of the matter. John’s love life didn't come up in conversation again for the rest of the night. They settled on their usual topics of TV and the kids and gossip about people John had never heard of but was apparently meant to know and care about. And the whole time, a little fire was burning away inside John. His mum’s words had hit home. Being in this house, thinking of his dad and who he was and what he wanted had made it all come to rest in John’s mind. For the first time he really felt his worries fade. 

They would never go away - he wouldn't be him if they did - but he suddenly felt they were in perspective. He knew what he needed, wanted, to make him happy. And he knew he owed it to himself, and to his dad, to give it some welly.

It was knocking on 9 by the time he kissed his mum goodbye. Paul had already left to make it home for bedtime stories, but John had lingered and done a couple of odd jobs for his mum. It was the least he could to repay her for knocking some sense into him.

When he got in the car he pulled his phone from his jacket pocket for the first time all evening. He couldn't control his smile as he opened his message thread with Kayleigh and composed a text.

“Just about to go home. Told mum we’re courting, so that's it official. Looking forward to tomorrow. Counting the hours. Hope you’re not suffering too much. Xxxx”

He hadn't even started the ignition when a reply popped up.

“Glad to hear it! I’m home now. Not suffering much, Prosecco is helping. Can't wait either. I don't think I’ll be able to eat all day, I’m so excited.”

He visualised Kayleigh and his smile became a grin. “You'll be a cheap date then!” He typed back. “I’ll call you when I’m home to say goodnight. Xxxx”

A sequence of hearts and kisses emjois was all he got in response to that, and he started his drive home. He had some other stuff he wanted to say to Kayleigh, things he needed to sort out, but he wanted to do that in person. 

“Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow” he said out loud, before turning the radio on and singing along.


	7. Chapter 7

Five days. Five long, drama filled days. Five days of him going three steps forward and two steps back. Well no more. It was all go. Foot on the pedal, eyes on the road ahead, straight on headfirst into happiness.

Of course, there were the minor issues of a day of work to get through, and then the qualms of his performance in bed for the first time in longer than he cared to think about. But he refused to let any of it quash his mood.

And it was obvious when he picked up Kayleigh in the morning, she felt the same. They didn't do much but grin inanely at each other and sing along with every song Forever FM played - all of which seemed to be strikingly appropriate. When they played I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas, John rolled his eyes while Kayleigh simply giggled and raised her eyebrows. 

“Ten and a half hours,” she whispered before giving him one last kiss when they got out the car at work.

It wasn't like John wasn't aware, or wasn't counting the hours himself. He spent much of the morning drifting off into pleasant daydreams about what tonight would bring, and when his mind strayed later into the evening’s activities he was relieved for the presence of his desk between his lap and workplace at large.

He was even somewhat grateful when a stock emergency meant he had to work through lunch. The way he was feeling he wasn't sure he could handle seeing Kayleigh for an hour, in the car, alone. And he breathed a sigh of relief when she text him to say she’d managed to get a couple of hours off that she was owed in lieu. Kath was letting her get off at 3, which meant she’d get the bus home. It meant he didn't have to take her home, then go home himself, just to come back and pick her up. Not that he minded but he was beginning to feel that he might just take her back to his straight from work and date be damned. 

When he finally switched off his computer at 5, he was practically vibrating with excitement. John Redmond, cynic extraordinaire, was bordering on giddy. Kath gave him a knowing smile as she said goodbye and threw in a “have a good night!”. No doubt Kayleigh had told her why she wanted away early, and he really couldn't care less if she did.

Still, his carefree attitude only went so far and by the time he got home, nerves were fast overtaking excitement in his emotional stakes.

He looked out his suit, hung up his work clothes and took a shower, trying not to look too closely at his naked body. He sucked in his stomach and turned sideways in the bathroom mirror. Well, it was too late to invest in a girdle or plastic surgery, so this was it. He could only try and make the best of what he had to work with. He stayed in the shower until his fingers pruned up, making sure every inch of him was squeaky clean and fragrant. He brushed his teeth, had his second shave of the day and concentrated on trying not to die of a heart attack before he’d got to lay a hand on Kayleigh’s body. 

He towel dried his hair and applied something called “putty” to it, to give it a tousled look. After five minutes of fingering his hair this way and that, he decided it made him look like a wanker and jumped back in the shower to wash it off.

Sweat was trickling down his back by the time he wrapped a towel around his waist and headed into his bedroom. Why did it have to be so bloody warm? It was September for Christ’s sake. He discarded the grey shirt he’d considered wearing, knowing every drop of sweat would be a spreading dark patch of visible nerves, and settled on the black one. 

He was ready right on time, took a few calming breaths in his hall then went out and closed the door. Then thirty seconds later opened it again, ran back upstairs, undid his shirt and applied a second liberal dose of anti-perspirant. He was taking no chances.

The familiar drive to Bury seemed to take an eternity, the dance shit Forever FM were playing not helping to pass the time quicker. But as soon as he turned into her street his stomach lurched and his heart sped up. His spirits always lifted when he was so close to seeing her, thrilling at the knowledge that in a few short moments she’d be by his side. This time it was all souped up a level bordering on hysteria. This was different. He was picking her up, not with an excuse to take her someplace, but plainly, simply, to be with him. It didn't seem real.

But reality was evident when he pulled up and saw Steve emerge from the house with an oil can in one hand and a mug of tea in the other. He paused just outside the front door as John turned the engine off and got out the car.

“Mandy, give Kayleigh a shout, tell her Richard Gere’s here!” Steve called back into the house.

John rolled his eyes and tugged on his suit jacket uncomfortably. “I hope you’re talking about Office and a Gentleman, cos if it’s Pretty Woman then you’re suggesting Kayleigh is a lady of the night and I might have to defend her reputation,” he said in dry tones. 

Steve held up his full hands in surrender. “Wouldn't dream of it… looking very swish there John.”

John stuck his hands in his pockets self-consciously and nodded his head in concession. 

“Here, you best go inside. I've been instructed to make sure you go face the inquisition,” Steve said, finally resting the oil can on the seat of his bike. 

“Mandy?” John pulled a trepidatious face.

“Aye, going to give you the third degree, make sure you’re fit for her sister.”

“Christ, well, wish me luck.” 

“You’ll need more than luck,” Steve said as John stepped inside the front door. “I’ll keep the engine running for you!” 

John could still hear Steve’s chuckle as he walked down the hallway. “Uh, hello?” he called out. Mandy appeared in the doorway at the end of the hall, mug in hand. It seemed the Price family were never far from a brew, an idea John found comforting.

“Alright? You must be Mandy, pleased to meet you.” John stuck out his hand as he approached her. 

“Nice to properly meet you at last, John. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Mandy took his hand and shook it vigorously.

“Oh I can imagine.”

Mandy broke into a grin at John’s words and instantly John saw the Kitson in her. She was taller than Kayleigh, more verging on the side of skinny, and the hair piled messily on top of her head was blonde but that smile was the same. All dimples and crinkled eyes. It made John warm to her and some of his nerves settled. 

Mandy gave a chuckle and turned in the doorway to look behind her, revealing Alfie and Chloe sitting at the kitchen table eating their tea. “Kids, you remember your Auntie Kayleigh’s friend, John? Say hi.”

“Hiya again!” John raised his hand in a half-hearted wave.

“I remember him falling on his arse,” Alfie mumbled into his plate of spaghetti bolognese. 

Mandy’s head whipped round sharply as Alfie and Chloe tried to stifle a giggle. “What did you say?!” 

Alfie raised his head to look at them for the first time, his face half covered in orange splashes from his sloppily eaten tea. “I said I remembered him from from the past.”

Chloe giggled again, though Alfie kept a straight face. “Hiya Uncle John,” he said in mock seriousness whilst chewing on a mouthful of food. 

John knew he certainly hadn't faired well on his first encounter with this pair of reprobates. He was keen to make a good impression on Mandy but he wasn’t going to let Alfie get one over on him again. “Alright, Alfie? How old are you now?”

“Nine,” Alfie said defiantly.

“Oh yeah? Nine, eh? And still wearing a bib.” 

Alfie looked suitably horrified and looked down at the tea towel his mum had tied around his neck. He pulled at it but it stayed put. Chloe snorted with laughter at her brother being the butt of the joke. 

John glanced at Mandy, afraid of her reaction but he’d chanced right. She was smirking at her son, who was looking at her more red-faced than before. 

“Muuuum…” he pleaded, but she just shrugged.

“Well it's your own fault for being such a mucky pup when you eat, isn't it?” Mandy folded her arms and turned back to John. “So, I wanted to have a word with you before you go out.”

John felt dread creeping up his back. “Oh aye, this where you ask me about my intentions?” He laughed awkwardly then heard another voice from behind Mandy.

“He intends to get his leg over,” Chloe said, before she and Alfie dissolved into more barely controlled sniggering.

“Chloe Price!” Mandy screeched with such force that John jumped. “Where did you hear a phrase like that?” 

“Dad.”

“Might have bloody known…” Mandy mumbled. “Well, I don't want to hear it again. Shut up and finish your tea.” She addressed her offspring whilst nudging John back out into the hall and closing the kitchen door behind her. “Sorry, they can be a right pair of little shits when they want. Totally the Price gene.” 

John smiled. “It’s fine, honestly.”

Mandy looked conspiratorially up the stairs before speaking again. “Look, Steve says you’re a good guy, and I get the sense you are too. But I just want to make sure you know, Our Kayleigh is head over heels for you…”

John couldn't stop his smile spreading. He couldn't deny how much he loved hearing that. Maybe a week ago it would have terrified him, but now it just made him glow. 

“...and I just want to make it clear, if you mess her about again, or break her heart, I’ll be wearing your balls for earrings. Okay?” 

“Understood.” John gulped and nodded seriously. He couldn't explain why he’d acted like such a knob, not here and now, and he didn't think she’d buy any excuse anyway. As long as Kayleigh understood, he knew her opinion was what mattered to Mandy. He’d leave that for them to work out. It was bad enough Mandy knowing as much as she did about his love life.

“Good,” Mandy said. “Il Divo, huh? Very smart! Honest to God, I thought she was going to wind herself up into a tornado she’s been that excited this week.”

“Me too… I mean, I am too.” John stumbled awkwardly over his words. He still wasn't used to being this open, but he wanted to for Kayleigh’s sake. And he was pretty sure nothing mattered more to Kayleigh than her sister’s approval, which - thankfully - he seemed to have won. The Kitson smile returned to Mandy’s face at John’s words, and her body language relaxed.

“Well, God knows how much longer she’ll be. You might as well go wait outside before Steve starts pining for you.” 

“Yeah… okay… well, good to meet you,” John said to Mandy before turning to look up the stairs. “I’ll be waiting outside, Kayleigh,” he shouted before giving Mandy a final nod and stepping outside into the evening sun.

“Well, I can't see any blood,” Steve said, as soon as John appeared, “So I guess that means you survived.”

“By the skin of my teeth.” John made a mock swipe of his forehead, and smiled a genuine smile of relief. Another hurdle out of the way.

“I best keep my distance.” Steve stood on the far side of his bike and took a step further back. “Don't want to get grease on your suit. Which member of Westlife you nick that off?”

John chuckled. “The good looking one with all the tattoos, obviously.” He smoothed down his suit lapels and preened in Steve’s direction.

“Oh yeah? The Irish one? 

“They’re all Irish!” John looked at his watch. Time was getting on. He ducked his head back into the house and called up the stairs. “You coming or what?!”

He turned back to hear Steve sniggering. “Well, she hopes so.”

John pointed a warning finger. “Watch it, you!”

“Will I do?” 

John leapt about a foot in the air at the sound of Kayleigh’s voice. She’d made it down the stairs without him hearing and was just picking up her bag from the stand in the hallway. She looked at him, her face nervous and questioning.

John looked her up and down. “Wow.” 

She had on skin-tight black trousers of some kind, and a pale pink chiffon top that hung loose, just skimming where the waistband of her trousers was stretched across her flat stomach. Her nude coloured heels were much higher than her work shoes, and a little, cropped black blazer was a far cry from her padded work attire. But as alluring as the outfit was - and was it ever - it was above the neck where the change was most drastic. Although she had the two bits of hair tucked behind her ears as usual, the rest of her curled hair was pulled up into a chic ponytail. He’d always thought he was a leg man, but apparently not. New evidence just in, legs were out, necks were in. The couple of stray tendrils of hair that hung loose from the ponytail, and the silver earrings that dangled like mini waterfalls from her lobes only added to John’s desire to cover every inch of her neck in kisses. 

He gulped. “You look amazing.” 

Kayleigh grinned proudly and tugged at the hem of her top. “Really?”

“Did I mention ‘wow’?” John repeated. He approached her and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, noticing her make-up was different too though he wasn't exactly sure how. The only thing he could tell was her lips were a matt, earthy colour, rather than their usual shimmering pink. “Stunning,” he whispered. “You ready to go?” 

“Mmhhmm,” Kayleigh confirmed whilst quickly checking the contents of her gold clutch bag. “Looking pretty dashing yourself there,” she said on looking up and taking in John’s suit.

“What, this old thing?” John gave her a wink then held out his arm to indicate for her to go ahead of him. Utterly unashamedly he checked out the rear view as Kayleigh walked out the house. The view as just as good. Legs were back in, along with bums.

Just as John joined Kayleigh outside, he suddenly threw a hand in the air. “Shit! Wait there!” 

How could he have forgotten? John ran back to the car, opened the back door, reached in and brought out a bunch of flowers. As he rushed back to a bemused Kayleigh, she broke into a grin.

“For me?” she squealed with pleasure. 

“Well, they’re not for him…” John nodded towards Steve. Kayleigh gathered the flowers to her chest like a diva at the end of an opera. 

“Is that a yellow whoops sticker I see there?” Steve retorted from his safe position behind the bike.

“They’re gorgeous, John!” Kayleigh sniffed the pink and white blooms, totally missing the two-fingered salute John threw at Steve.

“Management discount?” Steve continued. 

“I didn't get them from work!” John aimed at Steve. “I didn't get them from work,” he repeated reassuringly to Kayleigh. “We better get moving, don't want to be late. Get away from the running commentary off of Statler and… Statler over there.” 

“I’ll just get Mandy to put these in some water.” Kayleigh turned to go back into house, only to find Mandy just arriving in the doorway.

“You not gone yet?” Mandy said, mug still in hand.

Kayleigh handed her the flowers, just as Steve wandered over and joined his wife at the front door. He put his arm around Mandy’s shoulder as they watched John and Kayleigh walk to the car. “They grow up so quick, don't they?” Mandy said, loud enough for them to hear.

“Don't forget, have her home by midnight or she turns into a pumpkin!” Steve grinned.

“Eff off, the pair of you!” Kayleigh called, as she opened the car door and climbed in. 

“See ya!” John opened his door, then suddenly leant into the car. “Get out! Quick get out again!”

“What? What?” Kayleigh squealed, looking around in blind panic as she opened the door and leapt out. She patted herself down as though she was on fire. “What is it, John?”

“Hang on…” John rushed round to the passenger side of the car, pushed the car door shut, then took a deep breath. 

Kayleigh looked on utterly baffled still brushing down her legs for whatever horror she imagined was assailing her. John then pulled the car door open, and made a sweeping gesture with his hand indicating for Kayleigh to get back in the car.

Kayleigh suddenly twigged and giggled, “You did that just so you could open the door for me?” 

John said nothing but gave a deferring nod.

Finally he settled into his seat, as Kayleigh gave Mandy and Steve a final wave. John watched in the mirror as Steve grabbed Mandy by the waist, tickling her and the pair faded into the distance laughing and twisting together. It was the kind of moment he used to never notice. He was determined to take note of them from now on.

“Sorry about all that,” he said to Kayleigh, still a tad breathless. “I just wanted to do things right.”

“I think it's sweet… I just panicked. Last time you told me to get out like that there was a monkey on the roof.”

They sat in silence for a moment as John composed himself. He was so determined to get this right. Start to finish he was going to make up for everything he messed up so far, and that was plenty.

“You do look stunning, honestly,” he said sincerely. “I didn't know if I should kiss you. Didn't want to mess up your make-up or something.” 

“Do you like it? I followed a tutorial by Kim Kardasian’s personal makeup artist on YouTube. Took me 45 minutes!” Kayleigh pulled down the visor and inspected her handy work in the mirror, sucking in her cheeks and turning her face this way and that.

“Very nice. But you always look good.” 

“You’re going to top out on brownie points before we even get there.” Kayleigh flipped the visor back and grinned at him. “You look really nice too,” she said reassuringly. “Very handsome.” She reached over and ran a hand down the lapel of his suit. “Good enough to eat.”

Instantly John snorted at the innuendo, while Kayleigh batted his chest lightly. “I didn't mean that!” she insisted, a gorgeous flush crossing her cheek. “My hands are all sweaty,” she complained, smoothing her hands over her thighs. “I know it’s daft, but I’m dead nervous… are you?”

John gave a mocking laugh. “You can't tell after that performance back there?” He looked at Kayleigh, who just shrugged. “I’ve got a tie in me pocket, I’ve had it on and off about six times, does that clue you in?”

Kayleigh chuckled. “I dunno why! I know it's our first date officially, but honestly, we’ve driven together, and eaten together loads of times, so it's not REALLY different is it?”

John raised his eyebrows. He didn't think he should mention the one thing he hoped they’d be doing tonight that they hadn't done before, not this early in the evening. “I know but it is different, isn't it? There’s expectation once you call it a date.”

“Well, you're exceeding my expectations so far,” Kayleigh reassured. “Maybe we’re be less nervous if we didn't think of this as our first date? Maybe we should count every day we’ve spent together as a date. So our first date was that first day you picked me up.”

“What? You mean you covered me in piss on our first date? The only way’s up from that!”

Kayleigh laughed. “Yeah, maybe not. Okay then, day out to the safari? We didn't go to work, and we ate together, that can be our first date!”

“With a monkey pissing in the car?! That's hardly better, is it?” They both laughed at the memory, before John shot her a look. “You notice all these supposed dates involve piss?”

Kayleigh looked horrified. “Oh God, well I promise this one won't!”

“Don't make promises you can't keep!” John pointed a warning finger at her and they both creased into further laughter. It was bordering on hysteria. John felt like a teenage girl, giggly and nervous and scared of a kiss. 

They regained their composure, but the nervous energy still remained in the car, and it stayed that way as they neared the restaurant.

“Shit, I never thought to check out the parking in the street,” John said as they drove slowly up the road. The handful of parking spaces were already full and the rest of the street showed a combination of bus stops and double yellow lines. 

“There’s no spaces, John.” Kayleigh said whilst looking out her window.

“I can see that!” John snapped. “Balls, we’ll have to go back round. Was there any before we turned up the road?”

“I didn't notice…”

“Pissing hell!” John exclaimed as they drove past the restaurant, turned left, then left again. “Nothing here! Jesus, what a pain in the arse... “

Kayleigh chewed on her lip and looked at John questioningly. “I don't know… I don't normally drive in, cos I’m drinking. I usually just get a bus…”

“Well I wasn't going to take you on a date on a bleeding bus, was I?” John said as he turned the wheel aggressively on their second pass of Il Divo. He frowned at his own angry tone. “Sorry… sorry… I just knew something would go wrong…my bloody luck… “

“Nothing’s gone wrong! We just can't find a parking space, it’s hardly the end of the world is it? Why don't we try going down the other way…”

John sighed heavily as they got to the junction again. “There’s that council car park. That’ll have spaces this time of night. Do you mind?”

Kayleigh looked totally baffled. “Why would I mind? Honestly John, you get yourself wound up over the daftest stuff.” 

Though when they finally parked and got out of the car, John suspected she knew why he’d asked. The car park was covered in hideously sharp gravel, and almost instantly Kayleigh nearly broke her ankle trying to walk across it in her high heels. Instinctively John reached for her hand to help guide her to the nearest exit. 

“What's wrong with tarmac?” Kayleigh complained as she tottered behind John. She made a little jump to the safety of the pavement, and John was delighted when her fingers stayed wrapped in his as they walked the couple of streets to their destination. 

John pushed the door open, and his heart sped up as they entered the bright restaurant. 

“Ooh,” he heard Kayleigh coo behind him. “It is a bit posh isn't it?”


	8. Chapter 8

There was no denying it was posh, not when a giant chandelier hung in the middle of the room. A dozen or so square tables were squashed into the main floor, while a black wrought iron stairway led to the balcony where more tables were hidden by vines. The entire place seemed to tinkle with all the glassware on every surface, that was catching and reflecting the mood lighting. 

After only a moment, a slick looking younger man came over to them.

“We’ve got an appointment… Uh I mean, a reservation. Name of Redmond.” What a loser. John cringed down to his toes and felt himself breaking out in a sweat, while Kayleigh gave a tiny snigger. The waiter, to his credit, didn't react at all except to look at the computer screen in front of him. 

“Ah yes… can I take your jacket?” The waiter held out his arm as both Kayleigh and John shrugged out of their jackets. John couldn't remember if it was bad etiquette to remove a suit jacket at dinner, but he was buggered if he was keeping it on. He was already feeling like the filling in a toastie, and he suspected it was only going to get worse.

The waiter led them to a table near the centre of the floor. Making their way through the tables John felt like a bull in a China shop squeezing between them, trying not to trip over women’s handbags or drag a chair with his stomach as he passed by.

“‘Kin hell,” he mumbled as they finally reached their destination. The waiter pulled Kayleigh’s chair out for her as John squashed himself into the small space he had to pull his chair out. The waiter handed them their giant menus and then seemed to glide off.

John wiped the sweat from his brow and looked around. “Christ, they couldn’t fit anymore in here could they? I’m not sure if I’m on a date with you or him.” He nodded to the man at the next table who was sitting side on to John, and close enough to detect that second layer of antiperspirant.

“Should I get up again?” Kayleigh said, seemingly out of nowhere, her eyes twinkling.

“Why?”

“Well you didn’t pull my chair out for me. The waiter did it. I thought you might want to correct that, get everything right.” Kayleigh gave a little giggle. 

John smiled and shook his head. “Cheek!” He appreciated what she was doing though, trying to get him out of his state of high tension but given their surroundings, nothing short of a valium crushed into a glass of whiskey was going to do it.

Kayleigh picked up her menu and awkwardly tried to open it. “There really isn’t much room, is there? I’m scared I’m going to knock over some glasses…” She held the menu away from the table and peered around the side of it. “I mean why is there three glasses? What do I need three glasses for?”

“The tall one’s for water, that’s a wine glass, and buggered if I know what the other one’s for,” John said looking over the side of his own menu at the crowded table in front of them.

“Is it for champagne?”

“Dunno… as long as it’s not for piss.” Just as John uttered the last word, the waiter suddenly appeared at their table with notepad in hand. Kayleigh struggled to control her face, as the waiter took their drinks order.

“You could have had champagne if you liked…” John offered as the waiter slunk away.

“Nah, honestly, it gives me terrible-”

“Acid reflux,” John finished for her.

Kayleigh smiled at his knowledge of her, and then focused on the menu. She angled the menu so it was mostly on her lap and stared down at it in concentration. John took the opportunity to take her all in. He could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen her out of her work uniform - and one of those was as Hagrid. Truthfully he HAD seen her dressed up before - he must have done - at one of the various staff night outs over the years. But stupidly, he’d never registered it. She was just one more gorgeous but untouchable woman in his workplace. He wished he’d recorded to memory every moment he’d looked at her when he’d not known who she’d become to him. Still he wouldn’t waste a moment now.

Suddenly Kayleigh glanced up and caught him staring. “What?”

“Nothing… I just… I don’t think I’ve ever seen your shoulders before.”

“You must have done! Have you not?” Kayleigh suddenly looked bashful and touched her shoulder, then grabbed hold of the end of her ponytail and fiddled with it. 

“You best not wear your hair like that to work,” John said, causing her to look crestfallen as she now stroked her hair self-consciously.

“Why not? Is it awful? Does it look like I’m trying to look too young? It does, doesn't it?”

“No, no, I just don’t think I’d get any work done. I’d constantly be thinking about kissing your neck.” 

Kayleigh’s face lit up. It reminded John of that day he’d told her he’d pick her up from Bury. He liked being able to do that, to light a fraction of the fire inside of him that she had created and stoked every day.

“Are you going to do that all night?” she asked, smiling. “Just saying sweet and adorable things one after the other?”

“Might do.” John shrugged casually. He looked down at his own menu. “So, you decided what you’re having?”

“Oh yes,” Kayleigh said, her voice dancing along. “I decided that a long time ago.”

John looked up to see her tilting her head and raising her eyebrows suggestively. He was pretty sure he could hear the air crackle around them. Just at that moment their waiter appeared with their drinks and took their order. Pulling himself back together, John managed to order prawns in lemon butter to start, followed by a predictable steak - well, there was only do many old habits he could try to break at once. Kayleigh went for bruschetta then ravioli - “at least I know what that is”. 

When their waiter left, John leaned in to Kayleigh. “He’s like a ninja, isn't he? He just keeps appearing. I’ve never heard him walk up once.”

Kayleigh giggled. “I looked to make sure he wasn't wearing roller skates!”

John chuckled. If it wasn't for the soaring levels of sexual tension between them, he would have said they were like two school kids in assembly, giggling at their serious surroundings. 

He took a sip of his coke, and turned the glass in his hand on the table, suddenly feeling awkward. 

“Oh, you’re wearing a watch.” Kayleigh reached over and pulled back his cuff to reveal the worn leather strap and gold face. “I don't think I’ve ever seen you wear a watch…”

“Oh, yeah…” John looked down at his own wrist and turned it so the face was pointing towards Kayleigh. 

“It’s nice, suits you, you should wear it more often.”

“It’s my dad’s.” He felt good saying it. He liked sharing these things with her. Even when he’d told her about his dad the first time; even although she kept interrupting and going off at tangents - he’d liked that. It somehow made it all easier, distracted him from the sadness. He didn't know if she did it deliberately, or consciously, but it was a skill she had, getting him to say things he never thought he would, and do it without feeling utterly self-conscious. “I don't wear it much, always afraid I’m going to lose it or break it or something.”

Kayleigh pressed her lips together in sympathy and placed her hand over his.

“Not that it’s a Rolex or anything, probably not worth much…” John continued then trailed off. Truth was he’d worn it to his dad’s funeral, and he hadn’t had it on since. But after talking to his mum last night, he’d got it out of his drawer. It was time. 

“I understand,” Kayleigh said softly and squeezed his hand. 

“Thought it might bring me luck tonight,” he smiled softly. “And I thought knowing your timekeeping I could do with all the help I could get.”

Kayleigh tutted and shook her head. John captured her fingers in his hand and squeezed back, as they smiled at each other.

“Do you think everyone can tell?” Kayleigh whispered.

“Tell what?”

“That it’s our first date.”

“Probably, considering I’m sweating like bacon in a butchers window, and you’re looking like Venus fresh out her shell…”

Kayleigh screwed her face up. “Eh? Venus?... And I thought you said you weren't going to do that?”

“Sorry, sorry… but seriously have they never heard of air conditioning.” John dabbed his forehead with his napkin. Why didn't he think to bring a handkerchief? All that nagging from his Nana, and the one time he should have listened. 

“Aye, aye, here comes Burt Kwouk, again,” he said, looking up and nodding to where their waiter was negotiating his way between the tables, carrying two dishes high in the air.

“I think he’s Italian, John, not Asian.”

John closed his eyes for a second, and give a minute shake of his head but decided it wasn't worth explaining the reference. The waiter put down a bowl of rustic looking bread, and a small silver bowl of water with a slice of lemon floating in it. John pulled a tight smile of thanks, then as soon as the waiter was out of earshot whispered a “shit!”.

Kayleigh looked at him stunned. “What?”

“Bloody hell… that!” He pointed to the bowl of water like it had spat at him. 

“What about it?”

“Well, it's not lemonade is it? It’s a bloomin’ finger bowl.”

“I know that, John, I’m not daft! What's wrong with it?”

“It’s for me bloody prawns, isn't it? It didn't say that on the menu. I wouldn't have got them if I knew that.”

“Knew what? They’re prawns, what’s there to know?” 

John frowned. “They’re in their shells, aren't they? I hate that, it’s so fiddly and you’ve got to rip their heads off. It’s a right pain in the arse.”

By the time John had finished his rant, the waiter was approaching with their plates of food. He placed them down on the table like he was presenting them with his first born child. Kayleigh said thanks, while John did a silent nod. He was right. Prawns happily in their outdoor coats were nestled in a bed of greenery on his plate.

“Jesus…” John whispered while examining his fare.

Kayleigh leaned over. “Why didn't you say something? You could have got something different?”

John looked horrified. “No, I couldn't. I can't just change me mind, how will I explain that?”

“Just tell them! You’re paying for it, you can ask for whatever you want. Ask if they’ll take the shells off.”

“Play the game! May as well ask them to hold my knob while I take a piss!” John could feel his panic start to run rampant in his brain. He was determined to catch hold of it. “Never mind, it’s fine. I’ll cope.” He pushed at his shirt sleeves and picked the first little bastard up. 

Kayleigh sighed and picked up her fork and knife. “This looks lovely…” She gingerly tried to cut into the first little piece of toast. “Shit…” The crisp toast proved resistant to her knife’s efforts. John couldn't help but make a smug face as he successfully maneuvered his first prawn from its shell and dipped it in the little pot of buttery sauce.

After he’d popped it in his mouth, he rubbed his fingers in the water. “Just pick it up with your fingers,” he urged. “I’ll let you share me washing-up bowl.”

“I can't, it’s not that kind of place!” Kayleigh hissed back, still struggling with her own dish. Eventually her knife did its work, cut through the toast, shattering it into bits and caused her knife to slam against the plate beneath with a hideous metallic screech. She froze and cringed, then mouthed a “sorry”. 

John was too busy in his own “man v food” battle to notice too much, as he wrestled with his next prawn. It slipped around in his fingers as he tried to squeeze it from its shell, cursing under his breath the entire time. He looked up to see Kayleigh watching him with amusement. “Is this manly display turning you on at all?” 

Kayleigh giggled lightly, then returned to her own task of trying to get toast onto a fork.

“For Christ sake, pick it up with your fingers, then we can both be lowering the tone,” John urged.

Clearly sensing she was fighting a losing battle Kayleigh gave in and lifted a shard of toast with her fingers and popped it her mouth in an exaggerated fashion. “There. Happy?”

“Very.” John grinned. There was a moment then as they both chewed on their food, grinning at each other, and feeling totally connected. So much so, that John almost forgot their surroundings. He was overcome with such an urge to kiss her then. His fingers all buttery, her lips slick with olive oil. But a cough from another diner brought him to his senses, and he resisted.

“You were looking at me weird again there!” Kayleigh accused, as John felt his cheeks glow.

“Sorry…” He turned his attention back to his food and picked his next victim, but Kayleigh wasn't so easily put off. She wiped her fingers on her napkin then put her hand on his arm.

“What? What were you thinking there?” she said quietly.

John looked up and met her eyes, and remembered his pact with himself to be more honest, be more open, be more real. He gave a little shrug. “I was just thinking how incredibly gorgeous you are, and how badly I wanted to kiss you.”

Kayleigh's eyebrows travelled higher up her forehead as he spoke. “Really?” she squeaked. 

He nodded, and barely had time to draw breath before she leaned in and pressed her lips to his. It only took a moment for him to get over the shock and respond. Her lips tasted salty as he captured her top lip between his. Their lips came apart and together a few short times before Kayleigh pulled back.

“Like that?” she asked, her eyes soft and sparkling.

“Yeah… a bit.” John smiled, as Kayleigh righted herself in her seat and picking up a piece of bruschetta, bit into it with gusto.

“You’ll get us flung out,” John teased, though he was utterly elated at what had just transpired. John Redmond, kissed by a beautiful woman in full view of the patrons in a swanky restaurant. He had to be dreaming. This couldn't possibly be his life.

And then the prawn he’d had between his fingers throughout the kiss decided to take that moment to free itself and landed with a plop into his ramekin of sauce, sending several large splashes in all directions. The largest of which sent a yellow, oily slick down the front of his shirt. “Fuck sake!” he swore just a tad too loudly, drawing a couple of stares.

“Oh John!” Kayleigh exclaimed instinctively grabbing her napkin and dabbing it at the stain while John was wiping at the splashes on the table with his own napkin. 

“Christ on a bike...” he muttered. “What is it with us and my bloody shirts!” He thought back to his mocking of Alfie and his bib, and wondered if somehow the kid had put a hex on him. 

Kayleigh bit her lip as she dipped her napkin in the finger bowl and dabbed the wet cloth on his shirt.

“What are you doing? Jesus, it’s making it worse! It’s just spreading it around.” His embarrassment made his voice sharp, and almost instantly Kayleigh pulled back. As she did, her arm caught her glass of wine and sent it rocking. Thankfully John’s left hand was free and shot up to right it, just in time.

“You know what John? I think we should leave,” Kayleigh said with a sigh, as she slumped back in her chair.

John looked horrified. Shit, he’d messed it up again. Why couldn't he just react to things normally? Why did he have to get so bloody het up? Shouting for her to hurry up, getting stressed over the parking, acting like a child over the prawns and now this. It was no wonder she wanted him to take her home. “I’m sorry… I understand, I’ll take you home, ‘course. Sorry.”

Kayleigh looked a little confused then cocked a half smile. “No, idiot, I think we should both go. Look, you are hating this. You’re sweating buckets and you’re squashed into that seat like you’re in a high chair. And I’m worried about knocking something off this table, or dropping my food down my front. We’re both so worried about how we are behaving and looking...”

John took a deep breath, utterly relieved that she was putting voice to his thoughts, and wasn't pissed off at him. “Yeah.”

“Dates are meant to be fun, aren't they? This isn't fun,” she continued.

“It’s torture!” he agreed.

“This isn't us, John.” She indicated their surroundings. “And it’s not letting us be us.”

“I know,” John conceded. “I just thought… our first date, I wanted it to be someplace special, someplace nice.”

“The car’s someplace special. ANY place is special, if we’re together,” Kayleigh said softly. “I really appreciate it, but I’d rather be with you someplace we can relax, and just be ourselves.”

John finally wiped his fingers dry and placed his napkin down on the table. “Your wish is my command. Where do you want to go?”

“Well, I was also thinking... I’d like to be someplace where you can kiss me whenever the urge strikes you, and where I don't have to keep thinking how much I just want you to take me to bed…”

John’s ears nearly dropped off his head with shock. “Oh,” he understated, the blood rising up his neck with such speed he reached up to loosen his tie, then realised he wasn't wearing one.

Kayleigh leaned over and put her face close to his. “Take me home… to bed…” 

“Now?” Well done John, his body said, that's exactly the response you should give when a woman comes on to you. Question it. And ask for a time scale. The slow clap began again in his brain. 

Kayleigh sat back and smiled, nodding vigorously.

“But we can't… we’ve ordered our mains!” John’s body began screaming at him at this point. Stop arguing, it urged! Go with the flow. Live a little. Yet somehow his mouth carried on. “We can't just leave!”

“Of course we can!”

“We can't! They’ll have started cooking it. They’ll bar us or something!”

“So? We don't want to come back anyway, it’s over priced.”

“Shhhh!” John urged, looking around to see if anyone had heard. “I can't just leave.”

“We’ll pay, obviously,” Kayleigh said. “Come, on John, don't you want to?”

Oh God. The worst question in the world. Yes, he wanted to. Every question she ever asked him, the answer was yes. Yes, yes, yes please. But still some ridiculous part of him cared about what strangers thought about him. He remembered Kayleigh strutting out of the staff room after announcing the details of his sexual prowess to all and sundry. Yes, he could do this.

“Okay, so how will we do this?” 

Kayleigh gave a little clap of excitement then leaned in conspiratorially. “Okay, look, I’ll go to the toilet, and when I am in there I’ll phone you, and you answer and pretend it's some emergency, like your dog’s been run over, or your uncle’s had a heart attack or something. And, when I come back, you can tell me about it - loudly. And of course, we have to leave. So we won't look bad, and they'll feel sorry for us.”

John shook his head. “You are way too good at this.”

“Or just good enough.” Kayleigh winked as she gathered up her bag. “Okay? And make it believable...”

She stood up, and turned to go when John grabbed her wrist.

“Hey, you are going to come back from the toilet aren't you?” he asked.

Kayleigh looked confused. “Of course!”

“You're not going to climb out the bathroom window are you? You have form for that.”

Kayleigh giggled and bent down to plant a kiss on his lips, “I’ll be back.”

“Okay, Arnie.” John decided he should look like he was planning on staying, so he fished the prawn out of the sauce with his fork and ate it, glancing around nervously, trying not to make any eye contact with the staff.

After a couple of minutes, his phone rang, and John’s heart sunk down to his shoes.

His phone was in his suit jacket pocket. His jacket was hanging on a hook by the door - at the opposite side of the restaurant - and his phone was ringing out with Kayleigh’s personalised ringtone. 

All eyes in the restaurant turned to the reception area by the front door, where Tom Jones’ Sex Bomb rang out from John’s jacket pocket.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter with the s.e.x. I had hoped to separate it out so you could skip, but that hasn't happened. So I'll just say read through your fingers, and honestly there's nothing explicit in here bar a mention of bum and breasts!

“Sex bomb?!” Kayleigh covered her mouth with her hand as she rocked with laughter in the passenger seat of John’s Fiat.

“I’m telling you, it was just a normal ringtone! I don't know how it happened!” John insisted. “I just had one of them normal ones that come with the phone! Someone must have changed it when I wasn't looking. It’s the first time you've phoned me for days so I never noticed.” The embarrassment hadn't even begun to wear off. He still had rivulets of sweat running down his back, despite the fact they had escaped the torturous restaurant and were now safely in the car driving back to John’s. A sudden realisation hit him. “I bet it was Litchy! Dick!” 

Kayleigh cackled some more. “And you said…. you said…” she struggled to get the words out, laughter still stealing her breath. “You said, “hiya Nana” when you answered?!”

“I panicked!!” 

Kayleigh dissolved into hysterics again while John battled the waves of embarrassment.

When she finally managed to catch her breath, Kayleigh looked at him and shook her head. “Oh God, John, I thought someone really had died when I came out… the look on your face!”

“I just said my grandad had died, I couldn't think of anything else. He died when I was little, so I’m praying I’ve not caused some horrible jinx.”

“I thought you weren't superstitious?” Kayleigh accused smugly.

“Hmm, maybe you’re rubbing off on me…” 

“Well, it worked anyway… and they didn't even mention our mains.”

John nodded his head in concession. “Aye, true enough. Mind you, over thirty quid for two starters and two drinks?! I’m bloody glad you dragged me away after one course. I’d have needed a second mortgage to pay for all three.”

“Told you John, cheap date.” She pointed to herself, then tilted her head towards him. “Good job the only dessert I was interested in is you.”

John looked at her sidelong. She was still here. Still cracking comments about how much she wanted him. All of him. It did absolutely nothing to calm his nerves- which had only temporary been pushed aside by humiliation - but it did wonders for his ego. 

Forever FM was still blasting out dance hits as they drove, and the intro to Cece Peniston’s Finally caught Kayleigh’s attention. “Oh I love this! It’s in Priscilla Queen of the Desert… have you seen it?”

For a moment John considered lying and saying no, worried how it would add to his “big gay mute” reputation, but sense reigned and he nodded his head. “Yeah, top film that. Terrance Stamps brilliant in it.”

Kayleigh was already lost, doing her best Vogueing arm movements as she sang along.

“Meeting Mr. Right, the man of my dreams  
The one who shows me true love or at least it seems  
With brown cocoa skin and curly black hair  
It's just the way he looks at me that gentle loving stare.”

“Watch what you’re doing! I’m still trying to drive here…” John chuckled as her hand came perilously close to blocking his view.

Kayleigh drew her arms back in and turned towards John in her seat, before continued a more restrained sing-a-long, this time aiming her words at John.

“Finally you've come along  
The way I feel about you it just can't be wrong  
If you only knew, the way I feel about you  
I just can't describe it, oh no no

Finally it has happened to me right in front of my face  
My feelings can't describe it…”

Finally was right. God it had taken him so long to get there. He couldn't believe it. There were times in recent weeks when this all seemed an impossible mountain he couldn't even begin to climb. Yet Kayleigh had given him a push, and he’d made it to the top - and what a view it was. 

He let the song play through, enjoying Kayleigh’s continued enthusiastic, though not always entirely tuneful, sing-a-long. As the DJ cut in to the end, with some usual dire banter, John looked in the mirror and signalled to pull into the side of the road.

“Listen, before we get home, I just wanted to say something…”

Kayleigh looked at him in panic as he stopped the engine, and half-turned towards him. “Oh god, what is it? Are you deformed? Do you have a tattoo of Mrs Thatcher on your bum?... Oh God, John…” She said, her hand shooting up to cover her mouth in fear. “Do you have a micro penis?”

John rolled his eyes. “No. Dear Christ no. And...I’d have thought you could tell by now on that last one?”

Kayleigh smiled behind her hand. “Oh yeah…” she tittered in a Carry On fashion. “Yeah… yeah… good point. Sorry. As you were. Carry on.” She lowered her hand and put it encouragingly on his arm.

He looked down and took a deep breath. “You know you said yesterday, if going on this date was what I wanted, and I wasn't just doing it to make you happy? You know now, it is what I want don't you?”

Kayleigh swatted her hand. “Ugh, ignore me. I’m sorry, I was being stupid. It was just nerves I think. Honestly, it's fine.”

“No, it's not. It's important you know that, and you didn't. And I don't blame you, I know I’ve been blowing a bit hot and cold this week.”

He watched Kayleigh’s face go from concerned to a soft understanding. “No, you haven't, not really.”

John smiled at how much she was letting him off. She was being too kind.

“I was. And I’m sorry. Speaking to my mum last night made me really think about things, about what I want.”

A darkness passed across Kayleigh’s face again, making John reach out to take her hand.

“I was scared, not just of it all going wrong and losing what we had. But my mum made me realise, I was really afraid of being happy. I stopped really acknowledging what I wanted so long ago, I didn't know how to deal with it when it all landed in my lap. Or rather, in the passenger seat.” John smiled, hoping Kayleigh was understanding his flow. “So when I realised I love you and that…”

Kayleigh’s face suddenly transformed into a huge grin, stopping John in his tracks.

“You haven't said that since Sunday…” she said.

“I know-”

“I thought you’d maybe just said it to placate me, or something, like you didn't really mean it.”

John shook his head. “I meant it. I mean it. Probably for the first time in my life.”

“Oh. Wow…” Kayleigh gripped his hand back.

“And I’m just now starting to get used to it. It’s all a bit new to me, this level of happiness.”

“You’re ruining your reputation,” Kayleigh giggled softly.

“Oh I kissed goodbye to that days ago… literally. Anyway, I just wanted you to know for sure, this… all this.” He raised their joined hands to indicate them. “It’s cos I want it. Because it’s everything I wanted and was just to afraid to reach for. But I’m reaching now, cos this… you… make me happy.”

“John…” Kayleigh looked on the verge of tears.

“But more than that, I like who I am when I’m with you. I’m who I am in my head but was always too scared to risk being. The John who runs to post letters at red lights; John that bunks off work and goes to the safari park; John that gets caught getting his leg over a gorgeous woman in the CCTV room…”

Kayleigh giggled again at that, and John squeezed her hand affectionately. “I like that John…” he finished.

“I like him too. In fact, I love him.” Kayleigh answered. “You should know that I am actually head over heels in love with him.”

John smiled. “I was getting that impression.”

“Good, cos I was worried I was being too subtle.”

“Oh believe me, subtle is never a word that comes to mind when I think of you,” John laughed.

“And that's why you love me.”

“Yes, it is.” John was utterly relieved to be able to say it, refer to it, and not feel anxiety running rampant. 

“But you know,” she added, gazing at him. “I don't want you to change, I never have. I love grumpy, play it straight, old fashioned “courting” John as much as I love Reckless Redmond. It's all part of you, and I love every bit. I just needed to know where I stood, and what you wanted, that's all.”

John gave a nod, somewhat overcome by her words reinforcing - in case there was any doubt - how much she truly loved him. Just him. After a pause, he took a breath. “You know now though, don't you?”

Kayleigh nodded back, her eyes twinkling. She tugged on his hand and pulled him towards her, slowing taking his lip into hers and letting their kiss do the talking for a bit.

Very quickly their kiss started saying ‘Why are we in a car? Why aren't we in a bed? We are wearing far too many clothes’. 

John dragged himself away from her lips. “We best get going, or things are going to go too far. And with our luck going the way it has this week, we’ll get picked up for dogging!”

Kayleigh gave his leg a slap in response and squinted her eyes at him.

John was reluctant to let go of her and end the connection, but she seemed to sense it. As he righted himself in his seat again, and put both hands on the wheel Kayleigh let her hand linger on his thigh.

“Oh by the way,” John said as they drove off. “You should congratulate Kim Kardashian on her lipstick. That stuff has stayed on through white wine, bruschetta and two fairly impressive snogs.”

“Has it?” Kayleigh immediately flipped the visor down to inspect her lipstick. “Kim doesn’t make the lipsticks John, it's her sister Kylie.”

“Minogue?” 

“No, Jenner.”

“Not Kardashian?”

“No!” Kayleigh flipped the mirror away. “Honestly, Johnathan, don't you listen to anything I say?”

“Honestly, no. Well, not everything…” John gave a shrug. The easy air he felt now with Kayleigh was tickling him so much, he felt he could tell her anything.

Kayleigh gave an exaggerated hmph. “Well, I don't listen to everything you say either...:”

“Oh I know that! Especially when you’re meant to be working!” He gave her a nudge with his arm.

“Sshhh John,” Kayleigh responded, leaning into him. “You’re ruining the moment.”

John let out a laugh, as a grinning Kayleigh leaned her head on his shoulder and whined. “Are we nearly there yet?”

Turning into his street, John’s heart leapt into his mouth. Finally they were here - both literally and figuratively. Time to put him money where his mouth is. Time to put up or shut up. Time to shit or get off the pot. 

John’s nervous, elated mind ran over every idiom it could think of in a desperate attempt at distraction. Though in truth, he didn't want to be distracted. He wanted to be aware and take in every moment of this.

This was the first time he’d driven Kayleigh to his house, his home. When they’d come here on Sunday, Kayleigh was driving - in more ways than one. He was a passenger. He was being brought along on the journey by Kayleigh’s stubbornness, determination and love. And though things had moved forward by then, they were still trepidatious. They had only just planted the seeds of what their relationship was beginning.

It was different now. Now they had planted roots and John was in the driving seat. Though performance anxiety was still threatening to derail the whole thing. It was so long since he’d brought a woman home, he couldn't even think where to start. Thankfully, Kayleigh was ahead of the curve. They were barely through the door when she wrapped her arms round John’s neck and engaged him in a kiss that nearly buckled his knees. It was different than the kiss in the car. This felt like a promise or an unveiling.

“Christ, how long you been saving that up for?” he breathed as she pulled back grinning.

“36 years… or since we got in the car… take your pick.” She twiddled with the hair at the nape of his neck as she spoke causing little shivers to run down his spine.

John tried to regain his composure, and placed his hands on her hips. “So you want a brew?”

“No.” She carried on grinning and shook her head.

“Oh.” Smooth, John, smooth. He was acting like a 14 year old boy. All his moves he’d cultivated in his early twenties had evaporated along with his Madchester centre parting. And to be fair, the moves weren't all that smooth to start with.

After a few silent moments of John trying to figure out his next sentence, Kayleigh stepped in and helped him out. “So are you going to show me your bedroom?”

“Oh, right.” John grinned back. Yeah, apparently as soon as they had stepped out the car he was no longer in the driving seat. “It’s upstairs…” 

Kayleigh grabbed him by the hand and tugged him towards the stairs, but he stood still.

“You sure about this?” John asked, doubt and fear suddenly making a last ditch race for the finish line. Thankfully Kayleigh was having none of it, and simply met him with a “really?!” facial expression. “Well, I had to check…” 

This time he went more than willingly as Kayleigh led him upstairs. Foot on the accelerator, straight on to happiness, he reminded himself.

“First door on the left…” John prompted as she reached the top. 

As soon as she opened the bedroom door, she stopped short. “Oh!”

“What?” John caught up behind her and pushed the door wide open expecting to see some horror, like a pigeon had flown in the window he’d left open, and was now shitting on the bed, or - worse - Charlotte actually showing up and deciding she wanted him back. In a nano-second he was trying to remember if she returned her key. But all he was greeted with was his bedroom, exactly as he’d left it earlier in the day. Kayleigh still stood in the doorway, gaping. 

“What’s wrong?” John repeated.

Kayleigh gestured at the room. “It’s so… nice,” she said as she slowly walked further inside.

“And?”

“And… I dunno, I just didn’t expect this…” She gestured to the pale green and white wallpaper on the wall behind the bed, and the white matching furniture artfully arranged around the room. “You’ve got floral wallpaper!”

“It’s leaves! It’s not flowers. I dunno why you’re surprised, you’ve seen downstairs.” 

Kayleigh just shrugged. “Did Charlotte decorate it?”

“No she did not!” John protested. “All my own work. Well, me and Ikea. I spent a long Sunday afternoon just me, Queen’s greatest hits and Kerplunk or whatever this range is called.” He patted the top of the chest of drawers next to him. Charlotte had taken a lot of the furniture when she’d left, and John hadn't had the heart to argue. The trip to Ikea to refurbish had been his first step in moving on. 

Kayleigh continued wandering round the room, trailing her hand over surfaces and examining everything closely.

“What were you expecting?” John asked

“I don’t know… just not this… it’s lovely, it’s just, you’re a bachelor…” Kayleigh said as she pulled aside the net curtain and peaked down into the street below.

“So what were you thinking? Bare mattress and a blow-up doll?” 

Kayleigh giggled at that and turned back to face him. “Maybe more empty Pot Noodles and dirty socks. Sorry, I was just surprised. It’s really nice.” She pulled her jacket off and laid it on the wicker chair that was sitting under the window. “You don’t even have a pile of clothes on the chair… more than I can say! Did you tidy up especially cos you knew I’d be coming?”

“No… I didn’t… I mean I didn’t assume... “ John was still standing near the door, swinging his door keys nervously around his finger. As odd as it was for Kayleigh to see his bedroom, it was just as odd for him to see her in it. For so long she existed for him just in that little world inside his car. He didn't associate her with his house. It was like he left home every morning and visited this Kayleigh world, full of life and colour. And after he’d dropped her off he’d drive home to the grey world he lived in. Yet here she was in full Technicolor not just in his home, but in his bedroom.

Kayleigh walked round and sat on the edge of the bed nearest him. “Well, where else did you think we were going to go?” She crossed her legs and swung her shoe from her toe, all the while grinning furiously. 

John couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. “Brazen, absolutely brazen,” he said, as Kayleigh patted the bed beside her. He was immensely grateful for her unflinching come-on. Were she the shy and retiring type, he suspected right now they’d be drinking tea and discussing Countryfile. 

He removed his jacket and hung it on the door then sat down beside her and rubbed his hands down his thighs. He breathed deeply and tried to remember how this sort of thing flowed. Just be calm, John, he thought. Take it all in. It's been a long time coming, and you better be too if you want this to happen twice. 

“Why are you so nervous?” Kayleigh asked softly.

“Bloody hell... well, for one look at you.” He gestured up and down her body. “And for two, it has been almost 3 years. I think I might’ve forgotten any moves I had.”

“I can show you a move or two…” Kayleigh picked up his left hand and put it on her thigh, then she pulled his right hand up to her face. “That’s a start…” 

John looked down at his hand on her leg. This was real. This was something he’d thought about for what felt like a very long time, in places he probably shouldn't, and at times he definitely shouldn't. He tried to get his brain to engage and recognise this was no longer a daydream or night time fantasy. It was happening and he needed to be utterly present and appreciate everything in front of him.

He squeezed her thigh gently, then slid his hand up to the curve of her hip and pulled her closer to him. Her face softened as he cupped her head, and brought her closer, kissing her firmly. He’d reached for the gold ring and now it was in his hand, its curled locks on his fingers, its tongue on his lips.

“Now that’s more like it,” Kayleigh mumbled breathlessly against his face, as the kiss deepened and they both leaned back onto the bed. Kayleigh began to unbutton John’s shirt and he slid his hand under the hem of her top stroking the soft skin on her back, at last beginning to lose himself to the sensations.

A thought suddenly crossed his mind. He pulled back slightly. “I just thought, I don’t even know if you’ve got any tattoos…”

“Well, you’ll soon find out, won’t you?” Kayleigh smiled mischievously and pulled him back into the kiss. 

John twirled a circle on her lower back with his finger. “Maybe there’s a tramp stamp here…” He mumbled as he pulled out of the kiss.

His hand moved further up her back, skimming over her bra and his finger swirled around her shoulder. “... or a dolphin here…” 

He could feel Kayleigh smiling against his neck, where she’d been dropping kisses as he spoke. He pulled his hand from her back and grabbed hold of her bum. “...or a rose here.”

Kayleigh tipped her head back laughing. “Only one way to find out…”

As if taking that as a cue, she pushed open his shirt and ran her hands down his chest. “Ooh. Furry!” she squeaked appreciatively.

“Ah yes, my secret weapon, my hidden identity, body-hair man! Able to blend in to a rail of wooly jumpers at the drop of a hat. Hope it’s a pleasant surprise.” He’d been so distracted thinking about her body, in the heat of the moment he’d forgotten about his own. Now he was exposed and very aware of it.

“It’s not a surprise at all.”

John looked at her quizzically.

“That first day, remember? Pissgate?” she said as she danced her fingernails across his chest. “You were sitting there for 20 minutes with your shirt off. I got to see all the testosterone goodness poking out your vest. I’ve thought about that often.”

John gave a snort of derision.

“I mentally photoshopped the vest out of the memory…” Kayleigh explained.

“Wise choice.”

They resumed their kissing, the heat rising and John’s brain finally along for the ride, bringing confidence with it. As Kayleigh kept her hands pressed against his chest, he reached for the bottom of her top and pulled it upwards in one swift movement. Kayleigh lifted her arms, but as she did the top caught around her head and something flew across the room.

“Shit! What was that?” John looked around the bed whilst Kayleigh remained trapped in her fabric straightjacket. 

“John!” she pleaded as she tried to wiggle free.

“Christ, sorry…” he said, as he turned his concentration to freeing her. 

When finally between them they managed to separate the two layers of contrasting viscosity fabric that was her top from her head, her hair tumbled down into her face. She reached up and patted the back of her head. “Me hair band!”

“Well that explains that…” John pointed to the now snapped broad elastic-band that had held her ponytail in place lying on the floor a couple of feet away. Kayleigh ran her hands through her hair, loosening the sides from where they were normally tucked behind her ears and shaking the hair forward.

John sucked air in noisily. “Jesus!”

“What?”

“You know what you’re doing, you, don’t you?” he smiled appreciatively.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Kayleigh tossed her hair back and pulled it over one shoulder, in coy innocence. 

“Sure you don’t…”

Coy or not, the move had the desired effect and John pushed his shirt off his shoulders and dived back into Kayleigh’s arms. Their kissing became fervent as instinct took over and thoughts of smooth moves and the right words fled John’s mind.

Together they pushed themselves further onto the bed and rolled around, breath heavy and hands lost exploring each other’s bodies. With all thoughts banished except ‘more. more. more’, John fumbled with the buttons on Kayleigh’s jeans and tugged at the sides trying to pull them down. His lack of success eventually lead to him sitting up on his knees to get a better look at what we was doing.

“Bloody hell… come back All Saints, all is forgiven,” he mumbled.

“Eh?” Kayleigh propped herself up on her elbows to look at him.

“They wore combat pants didn’t they? Baggy! Life was much easier when you all wore trousers you didn’t need a shoehorn to get off… “

Giggling, Kayleigh wriggled her legs to ease the removal as he peeled her skinny jeans down her legs, pulling them inside out in the process. 

“Thank Christ…” John distractedly flung the black jeans off the bed and sat back on his heels to admire Kayleigh, who was still propped up grinning. “Nice underwear…” He gestured to her matching black lace bra and shorts with tiny pink bows on them . “Did you wear it especially cos you knew I’d be-”

“Coming?” Kayleigh finished for him, cocking an eyebrow.

“God, what did I do to deserve you?” He wolf whistled admiringly. Gorgeous, adorably sweet, yet utterly filthy in the right circumstances. It didn't get much better than that. 

“Something good,” Kayleigh sang, and it was John’s turn to look confused. “You know? From Sound of Music? ‘Here you are standing there loving me, whether or not you should, so someplace in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good.’”

John was none the wiser. All he remembered was singing kids and nuns. And fancying Leisl. He didn't remember anything like that. “Well I must have forgotten about saving a drowning puppy or pushing a nun out the path of a runaway lorry or something, because whatever I did was very, very good to deserve you.” 

Kayleigh visibly melted at his words and she looked down, suddenly seeming genuinely shy. It was a lethal combination in the attractive stakes.

“OH, I’ve just remembered,” she suddenly jerked her head back. “I can now formally introduce you to Cagney and Lacey!” She pointed to her breasts, as John shook his head and laughed. “Mary Beth, Christine, this is John you’re going to be spending a lot of time together.” She pointed to each in turn.

“Actually, it’s the other way round.”

“What?”

“If that’s Cagney, then that’s Christine, not Mary Beth.”

“Really?!” Kayleigh scrutinised her breasts as if the names were written on them.

“Yeah, it’s Christine Cagney and Mary Beth Lacey.”

“I never knew!” 

“Well, either way… that’s the finest crime fighting duo I’ve ever laid eyes on.” 

Kayleigh giggled again. “Come on, your turn. Off!” She pointed to his lap, and John hopped off the bed to kick off his shoes and remove his trousers. 

As he dropped them to his knees, Kayleigh suddenly exclaimed “Oh thank God for that!”

“What?!” John’s hands instinctively went to cover his crotch over the top of his black stretch boxer shorts.

“I had visions of white y-fronts! Or those budgie smuggler things.” She did a faux gag. 

“Christ no, give me some credit! I have met a woman before!” He relaxed his arms and pulled his trousers off his ankles, along with his socks. If y-fronts were a passion killer, keeping your socks on was the ultimate no-no. He’d learned some things in his 40 years.

“Well, I approve,” Kayleigh said as she pulled her legs up and tucked herself under the duvet. “That’s a big TV isn’t it? Watch a lot of TV in bed?” She pointed to the large flat screen on the unit at the foot of the bed, as though she’d not noticed it before.

“I did say it had been ALMOST 3 YEARS, didn’t I?” John emphasised, as he pulled back the duvet and climbed in beside her. Kayleigh welcomed him into her arms, giggling as ever. 

This time their kisses were slower, less fevered. They kissed languidly, Kayleigh’s hands stroking up and down John’s back as their legs tangled together.

“I’ve been thinking about this for a long time,” she whispered in his ear. 

It was like music to John. Immediately the Meatloaf lyrics began to play in his head. ‘You took the words right out of my mouth, it must have been when you were kissing me.’ 

He resisted the urge to sing and instead nipped her shoulder with his teeth in response. “You don’t half drive me crazy, you know that?”

“In a good way?” She pulled back to look into his eyes.

“The best.” It was true, even when she was driving him insane, she made him feel more alive than he could remember. 

Kayleigh cupped his face in her hands and held it there, staring at him intently. “I do love you, John Redmond…”

“I love you…” he whispered back.

“...and I am going to rock your world.” Kayleigh’s cheeky grin returned, but John didn’t smile back. 

“Like I said, it’s been a while, I might be a bit rusty. I’m not sure I remember exactly what I’m doing.” John said again, his nerves returning. He was under no illusions that he was no Casanova in the bedroom. And he knew Kayleigh’s experiences were much more recent and varied than his. All he wanted was to do right by her, to please her in every way he could.

“Stop worrying,” Kayleigh reassured. “Anything you forget, I’ll just remind you.”

She rolled over onto him, and leaning over, let her hair fall like a curtain around their faces as she kissed him. At that point John wasn’t even sure if he could remember his name, let alone anything else.

 

Some time later they lay in the darkness of John’s bedroom, the curtains still open and a streetlight casting an orange glow over the foot of the bed. Kayleigh lay on her back in the crook of his arm. Her hair was splayed out on the pillow above, her chest still rising and falling somewhat rapidly with John’s as they tried to get their breaths back. 

“Will you ever sing that song for me again?” she asked.

“What song?”

“The one you wrote about me that you sang at Runcorn.”

“Oh that… dunno… maybe.” He found it almost impossible to believe that exactly a week ago he’d begun writing that sung. Depressed, frustrated and terrified he’d lost her, yet just as terrified of doing something about it, he’d begun pouring his thoughts into a song. It had got him through the night. Now, here she was, in his bed, in his arms, after - as she promised - rocking his world. “Kind of seems a moot point now. I’m not the person I was when I wrote it.”

Kayleigh looked up at the ceiling. “True… What was the chorus again? How did it go? I can't let go and just enjoy the ride? You seemed to enjoy it enough there!” She rolled over and buried her face against him giggling at her own joke.

“Were you saving that line up?” John asked, giving an appreciating laugh. “Did you have sex with me just so you could make that joke?”

“Maybe,” she teased, looking up at him.

“I quite believe it of you.”

“You should write me a new one then,” she prompted. 

“Aye, maybe… but not right now. If I did it now, the lyrics wouldn't be fit for singing in front of kids and pensioners.”

Kayleigh chuckled then planted a kiss on his chest. “You okay?”

John nodded. “Mmmhmmm.” Okay? Was he okay? He was ecstatic. If he thought his legs could carry him, he’d do a victory lap of the bedroom. Their lovemaking had been exactly like their relationship thus far. It wasn’t perfect, but it had been full of laughter, and shared moments, and feelings John didn't think he was capable of feeling. Gratitude being the overriding one through much of it. Gratitude that the universe, and Kayleigh, had given him a second chance a week ago. And gratitude that Kayleigh existed at all, let alone allowing his hands on her utterly delectable body. 

“You?” He returned, and Kayleigh nodded back to him.

”You know, I need to remember and take Ian and Margaret next door round some flowers tomorrow,” he added.

Kayleigh raised herself slightly to look at him. “Oh no, has someone died?”

“No, no, I just want to apologise, prepare them for more noise if we’re going to repeat this performance.” He kept his face dead pan until Kayleigh caught on and laughing, slapped his chest lightly.

“It’s not my fault!” she protested.

“No, no, I know, I do very much appreciate such enthusiastic vocal affirmations.” He could have shushed her, but truthfully it had been the greatest sound he’d ever heard. He almost blushed recalling it. 

“Well, I’m very satisfied,” she said rolling onto her back again.

“Glad to hear it.” John rubbed his hand up and down her bare arm.

“Although, there is one thing…”

John braced himself. Oh Lord, what had he done? Or not done? He was prepared for any critique, and more than that he was prepared to meet any demand she cared to utter, the way he was feeling. Though he might need a breather if it was at all energetic.

She paused and John waited on tenterhooks.

“John, I’m starving!” she finally declared. “Have you got anything to eat?”

He’d never known a woman think about food as much as she did, or talk about it at least. He got the impression his relationship with her was going to be very bad for his waistline.

“Well, not much to be honest. I do my big shop on a Saturday morning, so-”

“Why?” Kayleigh half sat up and looked at him.

“What do you mean why?” 

“Why do you do it on a Saturday morning? You’re in a supermarket five days a week, why on earth would you spend one of your precious days off back in there?”

“I don't go to our store!” John protested, raising his head for the first time.

“Even still! You’re mad! You should do it when you’re at work, it's not like the manager discount’s that great as it is!”

“I can't do my own shopping when I’m meant to be working!”

Kayleigh shook her head and laughed. “Never change, John.” She leaned over and kissed him swiftly. “So what are you going to make me to eat then?”

John pushed himself into a sitting position and shook his head ruefully. “I dunno, you're never happy, you. Pull me away from a five star meal, then chivy me into the kitchen to cook for you before I’ve even got the feeling back in me legs. I thought women were the ones meant to want to cuddle afterwards?” 

Kayleigh sat up beside him, pulling the duvet up to her chest. “They do! We’ll cuddle after I’ve had something to eat, I’m too hungry to relax.”

“Hmmm…” John swung his legs out of the bed and fumbled in the dark for his boxers before putting them on. “So demanding.” 

“But I’m worth it,” she lilted, angling her head at him. 

He shook his head and walked over to his chest of drawers and pulled one open. 

“What are you doing?”

“Just getting a t-shirt. Need to close the curtains and put the light on, can't do that in the nuddy! Neighbours opposite would get a right eye full,” he said as he yanked out a plain white t-shirt and pulled it over his head. “And the way they are round here, I’d soon hear about it.”

“Ooh, let me do it!” Kayleigh said excitedly, throwing the duvet back.

“Not like that, you’re not!”

“They’ll only see my top half! And that's the point, Jonathan. Show them you’ve pulled.”

John quickly grabbed another t-shirt and threw it at her. “You can show them I’ve pulled in that. Don't want you giving Keith over the road a heart attack!”

Though it was dark, John was pretty sure he could still make out Kayleigh rolling her eyes. She slipped his navy t-shirt over her head, and released her hair from the collar. 

“Right, you decent?” John asked as he stood by the light switch.

“Go for it.”

John switched the light on as Kayleigh hopped off the bed, stood in front of the window for a moment. Then she outstretched her arms and pulled the curtains to, the action causing the t-shirt to ride up, giving John a tantalizing glimpse of bum cheek. 

“That should do it,” she said, turning back to John. 

His face broke into a smile as he saw her in full light. “Yup, no doubt what you’ve been up to.”

The majority of her make-up was gone, her eyes smudged like a raccoon, and her hair had taken on a definite bird’s nest quality. It wasn't quite the ‘Carol Decker after 16 pints’ look he’d witnessed early on in their relationship, but it was close. And she’d never looked lovelier.

John’s stare caused her to pat her hair self-consciously. “Aww do I look shit?” she asked as she looked around for her clutch bag.

“You look gorgeous.”

“Liar.” She located her clutch and took out a little compact. Sitting hard on the bed, she looked in the mirror and laughed. “My lipstick wasn't sex proof, was it? Don't suppose you have any of those wipes handy?”

“There’s some in the bathroom, help yourself. Will cheese on toast satisfy madam?”

Kayleigh’s face lit up as she looked up from the mirror. “Oh, yes please! And a brew?”

“Obviously.”

John went downstairs and began rustling up something far cheaper, and less problematic than their earlier fare. As he waited for the toast to pop, his mind drifted back to what had just happened. He went over it in his memory, determined to capture and keep as many memories from his experience as possible. A line from a song had entered his thoughts and gone round and round throughout their lovemaking. ‘I found the softness of her mouth, we made love the bombs bursting in air.’ That had summed it up fairly well.

Yet there was one moment he kept coming back to over and over. They’d rolled over together until Kayleigh was beneath him, and John could see her face a few inches away from him in the half-light. She looked like the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life, her eyes adoring, glistening in the dark. It was a moment he wanted to keep forever, a moment he wanted to relive forever, and make happen again and again and again. He was overcome with such a wave of feeling for her, he’d said it again. “I love you.”

“I know,” she replied, the intensity of her look never wavering. 

‘I know’. It wasn't a reply said out of arrogance, or because she didn't want to say it back. She was telling him he was forgiven - his resistance and reluctance; his cowardice and confusion; all of it was in the past. She knows he loves her. She feels it. He’d finally not flinched in telling her or showing her, and she knew it. It was a knowledge that made him unbelievably happy. 

As he put together the food and tea, his mind went over and over everything, refusing to settle or calm down, but becoming clearer with every passing moment. He put the toast and tea on a tray and carried it upstairs. When he entered his bedroom, Kayleigh had returned from the bathroom, her eyes de-racooned and her hair calmed into some kind of shape, and was sitting on the bed cross-legged looking at her phone. Her smile when she looked up and saw him dissolved any remnants of insecurity of fear that still gathered in the dusty corners of his mind.

“Can I sleep in this?” she asked, indicating the oversized t-shirt.

“Did you not bring your Compendium nightshirt?” he said, as he walked round to her side of the bed and sat down, putting the tray between them.

“In this?” She lifted up her slim bag. “I didn't even bring a toothbrush! Didn't want to assume anything.”

He shook his head, they’d both been so cautious of overstepping the mark, it was ridiculous. 

“So, you are going to stay tonight?” he checked.

“If you’ll have me?” She smiled as she picked up the mug of tea and put it on the bedside table, then picked up one of the little side-plates of toast and brought it into her lap. 

John looked at her, his heart fit to bust. “Hmmm,” he mused, as she picked up the toast and took a bite. “Maybe you should just move in?”

Kayleigh’s eyes widened like saucers and she pulled the toast away from her mouth, but as she did the strings of cheese stayed attached and the lava-like cheese topping slid from the toast and dangled from her mouth, slapping her in the chin. 

“Oh shit!” John said, as she dropped the toast into the plate and pulled the cheese from her face. 

“Ow! Ow! It’s hot!”

“Course it’s bloody hot, it’s melted cheese! Hang on!” John dashed from the room, grabbed a wad of toilet paper, ran it under the cold tap and dashed back in. “Here!”

He extended the tissue to Kayleigh who was still flapping her hands at her red chin. She took the tissue and pressed the cold, wet blob to her chin.

“Thanks,” she said, then scrutinized him. “Are you serious?” 

John nodded. “Yeah, I just…” He struggled to find the words. “I just don't want you to leave… ever.” 

“You’re not just saying this cos you’ve just had your first orgasm in years are you?” she asked, deadly seriously.

“First non-solo orgasm,” he corrected. “But no. It just makes sense. Think about it. I drive you home tomorrow, but it’s Saturday. I thought we could do something during the day, enjoy the last of the sun. Maybe go to the park or the zoo or something…”

Kayleigh raised her eyebrows.

“Okay, not the zoo,” he continued. “And I dunno, maybe go to the cinema in the evening. And then it’s Sunday, and I remember what you said, cuddle on the sofa with a takeaway. So then what? Take you home so I can pick you up on Monday morning? It just seems daft. If we want to see each other on a weeknight, we’d have to go straight from work otherwise by the time I take you home, come home, then come back for you it’ll be time to go home.”

Kayleigh watched his speech with a furrowed brow. “That's just practicalities, we could work round that. Is it what you want though?”

“It is,” he said. And it was. It hadn't taken him long to identify that all the things he felt, all the fear and questioning, it all went away when he was with her. Her presence was the answer to every question he had. 

“You’re sure?” 

“Never surer. I love you, and I want my home to be yours. There’s nothing to wait for, I know what I feel. I’ve wasted enough time fannying about.” His mum’s words came back to him and made him smile. “Do you want to though? I know it’s fast.”

“Fast? I think I was ready for this about two weeks after we started car sharing.” 

“So, is that official then?”

Kayleigh nodded enthusiastically, grinning as she leant forward and enveloped him in a hug. 

“Mind the tray you’ll have me bed covered in tea!” he said, as he gave her a squeeze in return. “Do you think your Mandy will be okay about it?”

“Okay? She’ll be ecstatic! Get her box bedroom back, so she can shove Steve in there when he’s in the dog house.” Kayleigh sat back and picked up her tea to take a sip. “You know it was her that made me rethink things last week. I’d kind of given up, I didn’t think you felt anything. But she talked me through it, made me see things I was beginning to think I’d imagined.”

“Really? Maybe I should take her some flowers too!”

“Oh she’d love that. Take me off her hands AND flowers?! She’d want to marry you herself…” Kayleigh suddenly froze, obviously realising the word she’d said. She cringed.

John looked at her and laughed, softly shaking his head. “We’ll work on that.”

Kayleigh raised a surprised eyebrow. “Sorry, it just slipped out! God, a week ago I was crying into my pillow thinking you were happier with a till roll than with me, now look at us.”

John couldn’t stop looking at them. He was beyond amazed. To see how far they’d come - he’d come - in such a short time stunned him. He didn’t think he could change so much in a lifetime, let alone in a week. 

“Aye, it’s been quite the week,” John agreed, picking up his own cup of tea and taking a drink. “Maybe the best week of my life.”

Kayleigh looked at him disbelievingly. 

“Okay maybe not, all things considered, but it’s up there. And tonight has been the best few hours I can remember having in a long time,” he finished.

“Me too.” Kayleigh smiled, and for a moment they just held their gaze in contented silence.

“Are you gonna eat this toast or just wear it, then?” John gestured to the plate still in Kayleigh’s lap. “Gotta fuel up, I’ve got plans for you. Not done with you yet.”

Kayleigh pulled an impressed face. “Oh really? Get you!”

“You’ve broken the seal, no going back now. In fact I have plans for you every day for the foreseeable future.”

Kayleigh laughed and took an exaggerated bite of the now cooler cheese on toast. “I thought you didn’t like to plan the future,” she mumbled around her mouthful of food.

“I’ve reconsidered,” he said and stole a kiss from her greasy lips.

He got up and moved round to his own side of the bed, getting in beside Kayleigh. It struck him he’d be doing this every night from now on. Going to sleep beside her, waking up with her in his arms, kissing her morning and goodnight and all the times inbetween. The thought made him happier than he had ever dreamt possible.

Kayleigh glanced at him. “Do you think we’ll drive each other mad being together 24/7?”

John smiled. “Probably. But it’ll be worth it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it for this story. I can't thank you ALL enough for all your kind works here, on tumblr and twitter. I haven't replied to your comments on here but believe me, I have read and TRULY appreciate them all. I just didn't know what to say other than thank you thank you thank you, so I'm saying it now. THANK YOU!  
> You really make me smile.
> 
> And I have LOVED writing this and I'm That Voice... so much, I'm a bit sad to leave John and Kayleigh. Together the stories come to over 60,000 words - the equivalent of a short novel!
> 
> So I am going to leave them for a bit. I have other things I need to focus on for a little while. But I do have other stories about John and Kayleigh that I want to tell. So I will be back - and that's a threat. ;)
> 
> Also, I am TOTALLY open to bribes. :D


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